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there is one thing about myself that I hate most - my inability to engage people in a proper conversation. My expression of concern to my friends and kids is limited to "how are you?" If their reply is less than 1 sentence, chances are I don't know how to continue the sentence.
What makes myself sick of myself more is that, I have to talk about work to get the conversation going. Like "how's this project coming along?", or "have you done your video yet" etc. But beyond "how are you?", it seems like I do not know how else to show concern or to find out how my friends are doing. I'm not someone who is able to rattle off words or think of a topic to talk about immediately.
What's worse is that I hold back even asking this question, to people who are my superiors. People like my superiors in hall, my lecturers etc. There are times I wish I could give them a pat on their back when they are down. But something is always holding me back - the fear that it might be inteprated as boot-licking. That's why i prefer leaving comments in their blog anoymously - words of concern wouldn't be tied to what I am and get misinterprated.
You suck man, yanjie.
What makes myself sick of myself more is that, I have to talk about work to get the conversation going. Like "how's this project coming along?", or "have you done your video yet" etc. But beyond "how are you?", it seems like I do not know how else to show concern or to find out how my friends are doing. I'm not someone who is able to rattle off words or think of a topic to talk about immediately.
What's worse is that I hold back even asking this question, to people who are my superiors. People like my superiors in hall, my lecturers etc. There are times I wish I could give them a pat on their back when they are down. But something is always holding me back - the fear that it might be inteprated as boot-licking. That's why i prefer leaving comments in their blog anoymously - words of concern wouldn't be tied to what I am and get misinterprated.
You suck man, yanjie.
posted by yanjie at
12:38 AM
4 Comments:
No! Stop that! Stop!
I envy you. You are caring, loving(although that sounds wrong), and you think about the people around you. If that is not enough, you speak well. You speak well in front of crowds. You are thoughtful.
You know what? I sucks. Yah. I'm a dull, stupid, egoistic, confident lacking man who panics when I have to speak to people. I'm nervous, argumentative, hot-tempered, and (sometime) quite selfish.
Only human.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Teaching will change you forever. I mean it in a good way. It will open you up as much as it has opened me up. My Mum would never believe I can mix with "Ah-Beng" students so well until I joined teaching.
Enjoy your uni days. There are the golden years. After that, it is kind of like downhill all the way.
anonymous,
I had no problems connecting with my kids during relief teaching days....i'm troubled by how i'm not connecting enough with my friends. thanks for the encouragement anyway.
btw, you are?
mingde,
thank you very much for your care and concern. and you're not what you say.....you're way better than that. :D
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