叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？

today, mos told the old cow that he is missed at the new pasture, and that the monkeys of the new pasture misses the old cow as well.

somehow, that triggered this line that the old cow blogged about before: 叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？(Did the leaf leave the tree, because the wind carried it away, or is it because the tree did not ask the leaf to say?)

the old cow is not used to it. outpouring of appreciation and thanks from the monkeys. back in the old pasture, only a few of the monkeys ever showed their appreciation to the old cow. none of them said that the old cow is missed. usually, this led to the old cow to wonder: is he doing the right thing for his monkids? sometimes when his colleagues told the old cow that he left an impact on his monkids, the old cow really doubt if that is the case.

it is not that the old cow wants to feel popular. the old cow just wants to know if he is doing the right things, or has done the right things for his monkids. grades wise, it is obviously shown that academically, he didn't benefit most of them. it was, in fact, worse than when his monkids didn't have him. as for the rest, given how silent the majority is, he finds it difficult to believe what his colleagues told him.

yet somehow, he did the same things, in fact, less, at the new pasture. yet it seems to benefit the monkeys at the new pasture a lot more. given the feedback given by the monkids and mos, it seems like the old cow did the right thing at the new pasture.

what mos said today to the old cow tipped the mental balance scale in the old cow. it really got the old cow thinking
1) if his methods are unsuitable for his monkids, and that it didn't really benefit them
2) if his methods are suitable and effective for his monkids, and it did have an impact and benefit them, but just that they don't say it and that he is being overly insecure.
3) if he has, while his time at the old pasture, made things worse for his monkids.

the old cow also got on reflecting further. when he started his time at the new pasture, he thought it would be a 3 weeks affair, bye bye, syonara and that's it. yet, the old cow is still harking back, offering his service to the new pasture, just like what he is doing to the old pasture.

the old cow thought again: why is he doing this to the new pasture?

did the leaf leave the tree, because the wind carried it away,
or is it because the tree did not ask it to stay?

but one thing is for sure:
1) the monkeys in the new pasture have a place in the old cow's heart
2) just that the monkids of the old pasture are a lot more special in the old cow's heart and eyes
3) the most special will always be the 5 dis of the old cow.