Timetable's out

"When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realise his dream"
- "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho

Modules Timetable's out. So far so good. All the modules I wish to do fit it perfectly with the current time table, except for one lecture. Heck, I even have a free day. Currently finding out if that lecture which clashes is web-casted.

Suddenly, it felt like the universe has conspired for me to pursue my dream of seeing the kids through their End of Year. I hope it will come through, so that I can have a proper closure.

So that by then, these kites know how to ride the wind, without depending too much on those who're pulling their strings.
So that by then, they will be strong enough to handle whatever comes to them in Sec 4.

They're making progress.
They're putting in effort.
They've been such a dear.
How can I leave them hanging now?
They're trying so hard to catch up what they've missed to play last semester.
They're morale is recovering.

How is it better for my studies
if I were to be at NUS 24 hours a day,
while worrying for 24 hours a day about them?
I left last year at ease,
knowing that they're returning to better hands.

But if I were to leave now,
what hands will be holding them?
The good and better hands are filled to the brim,
what kind of hands will come in once more?
Will it be a repeat of last semester?
And once again, the guilt of "if only..." clings on?

Please let me do it
I know it will be a bit of a strain physically
but my heart can't take the strain of guilt.
Just this once, to prop them up and get them ready
So that they'll be ready enough to stand on their own 2 feets

Then I can leave my heart at ease.


' "My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer." the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second o the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."'
- "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho