crying in the rain

They tell me,
it's not worth it.
"Your own studies is more important."

I tell them,
it's worth it.
They are trying hard
they have wasted 1 semester away.
If they continue to waste, how are they going to cope next year, when they are sec 4s?

She told me,
stop it, it is affecting your health.
I told her,
I'm doing it only till the end of term 3.
But it's been more than 3 weeks since term 4 started,
and I'm still doing it behind her back.

For 3/4 of this year,
I've been wanting to take them to this very day,
to make sure they do well, to make sure they are ready for next year

For 1/2 a year,
They were my priority
They have my love, they have my time,
over my health, my social life, my hall life, my reputation,
my commitments in hall, my relationship with the freshies,
my relationship with my fellow hall mates.
Some call me crazy.
Some call told me it's not worth it.
I say it is.

The day has finally come.
Everything came crashing down.
Just walking around, looking at the kind of answers,
it's upsetting enough.
Why didn't you listen, when I told you 3 weeks ago,
you need at least 1 weeek to prepare?
Why didn't you listen, when I went through that question,
cause something similiar is coming out?

How dare you come and tell me,
there is not enough time to prepare,
cause you have A-maths as well,
when I told you you need at least 1 week to prepare?

how dare you tell me you tried your best,
when you played last saturday away while you met your friends to study,
and didn't study, as you all didn't have the mood?

Why did you not listen,
when I told you so many times not to do it,
yet you still make the same bloody mistake?

Didn't you all felt bad about common test?
Didn't you all want to do well for EOY?
Why did you not listen to me?

Why?
Look at your answers.
Seems like you didn't study.

Look at your file
Where are your notes, which you said is better than the textbook?

Why do I bother giving up so much,
to teach, to make notes,
only for you to chuck it aside?

How dare you say that the other teachers
don't teach well, don't give good notes,
when you don't use the ones you find good in the first place?

How dare you complain that the other teachers don't care,
when they have given so much,
only for you to trample on it?

How dare you, revise right in front of me,
flip your notes for a few pages and decided not to study anymore?
you call that revision and trying your beest?

Why didn't I listen to them
When they told me it's not worth it.
Why apologise to me,
give me that guilty look,
only to do the same wrong thing,
over and over and over and over again.

I felt like I have wasted all my time, the whole half a year.
I should have cut most of you out, combine those who bother together,
and probably come back twice a week just to teach them,
those who bother to study, listen and learn.

Why did I even bother thinking how to say goodbye to you all?
Why do I even want to take you all till the end of this term?
Why do I even bother asking for lessons after exam, so that next year you all have more time to study and prepare for o's?
when nothing will go in anyway.
Except for the few.

I no longer want to say goodbye anymore.
I just want to disappear.
Probably goodbyes to the few, who deserve proper closure from me.

Whatever plans I have,
to make my last lesson with you a important life lesson, like last year,
to make my last lesson be a time to tell you all,
how much I'm thankful, how much I cherish, I much I love you all,
why do I even bother.

don't ask me why is there water stains on your papers.
Yanjie, you're an idiot.

"If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you
So though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain "