emotional constipation
Our social norms seems to be rather restrictive, to the point that I feel rather emotional constipated. Not just me, it seem like one of my kid as well.
Was reading his blog entry, in which he gave a tribute to his older brother who will be leaving for an overseas attachment for a few months. The way he ended off kinda intrigued me : " I love you XXXX. In a brotherly manner, not a gay-love manner"
It seems like our social norms have restricted the expression of love for your family members, especially for guys. All the things about "acting man", "acting macho", keeping your weak side, or any physical contact between 2 guys has implications of being accused to be homosexuals etc. No wonder Asian Fathers are known to be the "silent one".
I love my "kids", just like how a parent would love his child. I love my 4 "younger brothers", just like how an elder brother will love his younger brothers. I cherish them, my moments with them. My heart weeps when I have to scold and punish them. My eyes tear when I worry about them. Making the effort to spend time with them have never felt like a chore - it felt like something I enjoy. They do not have the best results, they do not have the best character. But they are my kids, they are my younger brothers, and they are very much dear to me.
But I can't express it out. Being trained sociologically(ok, just the introductory module), I don't really care. But unfortuantely, they wouldn't interprate it that way. I can't show them how proud I am of them infront of everyone else - cause the credibility of their success will be undermined when they are accused of getting to where they are not by their hardwork, but through me.
Hence my emotional constipation.
But I have to learn to let all these emotions go. I don't have much time left with them. I'm sure they'll move on.
As for me.........I need to learn
Was reading his blog entry, in which he gave a tribute to his older brother who will be leaving for an overseas attachment for a few months. The way he ended off kinda intrigued me : " I love you XXXX. In a brotherly manner, not a gay-love manner"
It seems like our social norms have restricted the expression of love for your family members, especially for guys. All the things about "acting man", "acting macho", keeping your weak side, or any physical contact between 2 guys has implications of being accused to be homosexuals etc. No wonder Asian Fathers are known to be the "silent one".
I love my "kids", just like how a parent would love his child. I love my 4 "younger brothers", just like how an elder brother will love his younger brothers. I cherish them, my moments with them. My heart weeps when I have to scold and punish them. My eyes tear when I worry about them. Making the effort to spend time with them have never felt like a chore - it felt like something I enjoy. They do not have the best results, they do not have the best character. But they are my kids, they are my younger brothers, and they are very much dear to me.
But I can't express it out. Being trained sociologically(ok, just the introductory module), I don't really care. But unfortuantely, they wouldn't interprate it that way. I can't show them how proud I am of them infront of everyone else - cause the credibility of their success will be undermined when they are accused of getting to where they are not by their hardwork, but through me.
Hence my emotional constipation.
But I have to learn to let all these emotions go. I don't have much time left with them. I'm sure they'll move on.
As for me.........I need to learn
posted by yanjie at
11:53 PM
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