my kids II

I had a break from revision, and was reading through some of my older posts. I posted one last year about my kids(yes, I hear you saying "Your kids AGAIN? "). 

It's been more than one year. Quite a bit of things have change since then. Here's my reflection on it now.

Monday, November 06, 2006
my kids
"I've realised how much my kids have grown, and how much I've missed them"

John asked me the other day on MSN, after seeing my MSN nick(as stated above) "Yanjie you got kids ah?"
Me: Yah. "Kids". They are wonderful kids.

Indeed. I thought after a few months of lectures, tutorials, projects, lessons, hall life, making new friends, meeting new people, I would get over missing them. How wrong I was.

Mad rush with production and HAM in last semester didn't change anything either. Upcoming exams, projects rush, hasn't change anything either. I still miss them, a lot.

The other day, Yijie invited me to 2E4s chalet. As much as i wanted to stay for a night or 2, I couldn't due to my workload. She told me to pretend that I couldn't make it, so I had to lie to those who asked I was coming.

And as I talk to them, I realise how much they have grown since i left on 21 July.

Their topics have changed. It's no longer about Teen Titans or Dota. Now it's about their subject combination, how am I coping.

They have continued to grow, mature even more. :D

They have grown. Many are much taller now.(duh you would say. Puberty mah) Shanqi can't help but pride that he has reached my nose. I tell him to be proud only when I have reached his nose, while Joshua and Sweehin pride themselves that they have grown from slightly below my shoulder to slightly higher from my shoulder.
They no longer do that though. But both of them can still be as impish and cheeky, but rarely nowadays. Their cheeky and impish days always bring a smile to my face whenever I think about it, and I was glad when I took a photo with them this year, it captured that in their smile. I would be lying if I were to say that I don't miss them being impish and cheeky, but hey. Everyone grows up. 

I'm happier with the fact that they've grown up to be fine young gentlemen who are more matured and sensible.

They are more capable. If I didn't tell you Yijie is 14, you would think that she's some businesswoman. Ear piece stuck permanently in her ear, handphone in the pocket, she would call up her classmates when they disappear to check on them, or to make arrangements for the BBQ.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the privilege of teaching her this year to know.  :( But i see more of those who I get to teach becoming more sensible and self-motivated.  :)

They no longer squabble over all the small little childish things or chasing after each other round everywhere. They were actually BBQing together and coopearting.
And their squabbles have take on a more adult manner - back stabbing, out bitching etc. It's not a good thing. sigh. More complex issues plague them - BGR, emotional issues etc.

and I realise how much I have missed them. I missed the days teaching them, joking around with them. Missed the days where i would feel like a proud parent whenever anyone of them go on stage to collect some prizes, missed the days where i would feel very very upset whenever anyone of them broke the school rules. Missed the days where we had fun, missed the days they made me very angry and upset.

Yeh. As I said, the last lap may be a major disappointment, but they have brought me a lot more joy over all. 

When I was about to leave, I just silently told Yijie that I have to go. No longer do I hear immature pleas of asking me to stay. They have grown matured enough to understand. And studdenly, and quietly, they stop their games and walked me to the gate, despite me telling them not to do so. Joshua and gang went on further, wanting to send me to the bus stop. I appreciate that gesture of appreciation, but it's late.

They are less open in showing their emotions now though. Well, I was like that too as I grow up. I have to accept that and stop misunderstanding their restrain.

I'm lucky to have taught them. They are such wonderful kids. They may not have the best results in the world, or the best behaviour. But they will always have a special place in my heart. Even if they forgot who this Mr is, they will always bring a smile to my face whenever I think of them.

They still are wonderful and have a special place in my heart. Yeh, they still bring a smile on my face whenever I think of them.

Somehow, I felt as though as I had experienced what it is like to be a parent.

I think this part has changed the most.

I can no longer view some of them as my kids. They have matured a lot more, became a lot more sensible. I wouldn't do them justice if I call them "kids".

Especially my Dis (younger brothers). Yeh. The 5 of them. I've had close juniors who I know for a few years, close to some of the kids at centres that I volunteered at before. Yet, I never felt like I was a elder brother to anyone. Never had I felt that I have a younger sibling, or worry for one, look out for for one like they are my younger sibling. Never had i promised to anyone that I'll look out for them for as long as I can, nor have I promised to anyone that I will be there for as long as I can. Not in the capacity of anything, not even as a elder brother.

Never to anyone, except the 5 of them. 

I've also learnt to loosen up, showing a bit more of my affection. Like I told one of my Di "It's time I take photo with you all as your brother, not as someone who distance himself because he is worried what a little sign of affection like putting my hands over your shoulder during photo taking might be interpreted as."

Was watching Naruto Shippuden the other day, and the part from 3:58(-5:41) to 5:02(-4:37) is the closest to what I feel.
 

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hod humanities from my alma mater called today, asking if i'm interested to relief for them, as they are facing a serious shortage. Yeh, I've heard about their shortage. But things have changed, for me.

If you were to ask the yanjie last year, before he reliefed in this school, he would love to serve his alma mater. In fact, he dreamed about going back to either his secondary school alma mater or jc alma mater to  be a perm teacher there, so that he can contribute back to his alma mater.

He wanted to relief there before he went to NUS. Unfortunately, he ORDed a month later than most of his peers, and by the time he can join his alma mater, all the slots are filled up. That was when he searched for a alternative and luckily, found an opening in this school. If you asked him then, he would give you an immediate yes.

But the yanjie today no longer has this dream. Now he only dream that his dis and special batch do well for O's, go as far as possible in life and fulfil their dreams. The yanjie today finds it difficult to face new students in his alma mater, or in any other schools, while wondering how his dis and special batch is doing in school.  In fact, he's still struggling if he should relief for one of the kaks next year, who will be away for one month. Though he'll get to see his special batch again, is that one month going to benefit them? Or would it be better for them if the other Kak is stretched further to cover for her? After all, both of them are a lot more experience and caring. It's only when the graduate, then he'll lose his final reason to go back to this school. 

The yanjie today no longer dreams of being a teacher that contributes to his alma mater at the same time. He has different dreams today - one of them has got to do with his special batch. It is his dis and his special batch that drove him, even to the point of doing things that everyone else calls it "crazy" - reliefing while studying, staying up late at night etc.

He can't even find that drive to do the same for students of other batches from that school. What makes you think he has the drive to do the same for students from another school? 

Yeh, one shouldn't be too emotionally attached to his or her students.

But this is what I learnt from watching Naruto and Bleach, which I agree - it's only when you try to protect people important to you, that will bring out all that's in you.