mirror on both sides

i used to wonder why my mother would always
1) ask me to "take care" whenever we say goodbye. like i wouldn't at my age?
2) call me at the most inappropriate moment
3) getting extremely upset whenever i look tired.
4) be so insecure and think that we don't care about her when we don't put it in words
5) be worried if i'm away from her for more than 3 days. like i wouldn't take care of myself at my age?
it always gets on my nerves and irritates me. especially for someone who hates to be interrupted whenever he is doing something, or when he's in a game of dota, i would respond in a very negative manner, especially when she expect me to give her my fullest attention when i'm in the midst of dota.

then when i have my dis, i realise that i would always
1) ask them to "take care" whenever we say goodbye.
2) msn them at rather inappropriate moments, like when they are in the middle of a dota game
3) get extermely upset whenever i see them in the wee hours online, during school term weekdays
4) be very insecure about how they think of me, to the point that thinking that they don't take me as their elder brother, just because 4 out of 5 of them never put that in words
5) be worried about them all the time.

it is amazing to have mirrors at the both sides, mirroring what i'm doing as a son and as a brother, at my age as a young adult. most people realise it too late, when their biological kids are teenagers, which by then, their parents are gone for them to make any amends.

it helps me learn to understand my dis and my mother better. i hope i can be a better son and a better brother.

i was cleaning my stuff in preparation of cny today, and i came across the vanguard sheet that was given to me by my co-form class in 2006. that was my first time ever being a (relief) teacher. i opened it and read every single word in it. my now-dis didn't write a single thing, other than their name.

i smiled. it reminds me what my ex-co-form said
"they just can't express it properly"

just like how my elder brothers and i can't express our love for our mother properly either. neither have i ever told my elder brothers how much i know they care for me. even at my father's deathbed, i've yet to say " i love you pa". somehow, we can't put it into words. perhaps i'm socialised as guy not to be able to do that, but let's just leave all the sociological stuff aside.

i should be more understanding to them.