i envy you

please do not read this if you don't like emo things.
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i tell people they are mine.
but in actual fact, they aren't mine.
they belong to you.
perhaps the thought of them belonging to me,
is just a construct of mine.

they are times i'm envious of you,
sometimes even jealous,
as you can officially say that they are yours.
it is official anyway.
but i can't.
not even when i'm with them.
what's worse when i'm not with them.

i miss them terribly.
yeh, i heard a lot of their mis-deeds lately.
but they meant no harm.
don't hate them for that.
they want to get better too.
they don't want your tears to flow either.
i'm sure you know it too, and you love them as well.

sometimes right here at this new pasture,
i love and hate going to this particular class.
they remind me so much of them.
it feels so familiar,
it gives me so much joy.

yet at the end of the lesson,
looking at the faces,
none of them are there.
how i wish i could give that lesson to them.
and i hate it when all these emotions come running back.

sometimes it feels like being a bastard,
pinning for a parent that is yours but not yours formally.
just that this time, it is the other way.

i envy you,
you have them officially under your care.
yet i'm in this weird position,
where i don't know where to place myself,
among all these unofficial stuff.

the old cow can only miss his mon-kids.