cold

"Cold,
cold water
surrounds me now"

the weather is kinda chilly today,
the rain is kinda cold,
the air-conditioning in the buses and buildings are freezing.

but that wasn't what chilled me today.

in the warmth of a growing perseverance and determination,
in the chill of being ignored.

though that is not why i do what i'm doing,
and i repeatedly remind myself that,
it is a little hard to ignore the chill,
and not crave for a little warmth.

i guess when the big event is over,
when the aftermath is revealed,
that is when i'll be away for a few months.

i surrender it to what may happen when i'm away.
if it is to go to zero, let it be.
if it is to go beyond where it is now, let it be.

i didn't do what i did to be remembered,
though being remembered is a bonus.
it is a bonus after all,
let's not desire for it.

if it chills, let it chill.
after a few more months,
when i'm physically away,
it will be easier to let go.

if it chills, let it chill.
after a few more months,
there are no more reasons,
it will be easier to let go,
and fade away.

if it chills,
i guess there is no reason,
for me to bide farewell either.

if it chills,
guess when the aftermath is revealed,
i would have found the answer.

for the moment,
a feeling of lost,
a feeling of not knowing what to do.

"Cold,
cold water
surrounds me now"