digging up old dirt?

went to meet the my friends at UCC today, as the kids had MLDDS syf judging today. Didn't know that so and so was there, and he asked me some questions that made me very uncomfortable. Was it a dagger hidden behind the smile? I do not know. Was it a follow up to what happened last year? I suspect so.

But like I told G, it's not a matter of pride. What I did may seem like a rash act to some of you, but it wasn't. It was thought over, I mulled over it for several days. I thought of various plans, alternatives, since the day I got myself involved in it. I weighted the cost, the risk, all those that you all have mentioned. But why do I still do it?

2 words: Guilt and Regret. These are 2 things in life that I cannot live with. I can't go on thinking "if only I had done this...". If I didn't try, i wouldn't know. That's why I did it. It failed. I'm aware of the consequences it brings, and I accepted it.

But I'll rather suffer the consequences, than the guilt and regret. It's not selflessness, it's for my self.

I'm selfish. I don't want to live with guilt and regret, that's all. Life is too short for "if onlys".

If only you saw what I saw, you would agree that it's something wonderful enough to do what I did.