the stereotypical silent asian father

asian fathers are known to be quiet. they don't show their emotion, they don't talk much. apparently it is because they are socialised not to express their emotions or love. hence usually, they are quite constipated when it comes to words and would express their love for their children through tough actions. for example, scolding you why you've lost weight, asking you if you have enough money to spend etc. most of the time, when we are not matured enough, we would interpret that our father don't give a damn about us. but often when we realise, it is too many years later, or when they are gone.

i told myself that if i ever have kids, i wouldn't want to be this kind of father. i would want my kids to know that i love them and wouldn't want them to feel unloved.

when back to visit my kids and dis today. i missed them so much, yet when i sat down with them, i hardly spoke to them. other than 1 of my di who is pretty comfortable in engaging conversations with me, i barely said anything to the other 3 dis(1 more was absent).  i just didn't know what to say. or was it the fact that i was scared that i'll make them uncomfortable if i'm too open about how happy i am to see them? sigh...i'm doing the stereotypical silent asian father thingy.

but it was nice seeing all of them again after these few months. they didn't change much, but their teachers are raving about how much they have improved in terms of attitude. it was especially nice to hear one of my colleague raving how one of my di is taking initiatives consistently to clarify stuff with her. i couldn't have been more proud of him to hear that (erhm erhm, i've always been proud of each of them all the time by the way.) 

one of my kaks was telling me now she understood why i stood up in the level meeting to appeal for one of my kids from getting retain last year. though i'm happy to hear that he's taking it positively and doing well now, i can't help but realise something. 

i stood up for one of my dis once, and the outcome wasn't in our favour. i stood up for this kid, and the outcome wasn't in our favour. what's the problem? is it because i didn't push hard enough? i'll rather the outcome was in their favour then to have the chance now to tell those who didn't believe me "i told you so. look out how good they turn out to be, you should have trusted my judgement. see what kind of obstacles you have placed for them, especially my di". 

heard somethings that i didn't expect to hear today. will blog about it another time when i've sort out my thoughts about it.

happy lunar new year to you!

and please stop asking why i haven't found a girlfriend yet!