thinking a lot
warning: the following post is about my kids and dis again, and rather "emo". if you're looking for a good laugh, today's post is not the one
remember the computing lecturer i mentioned earlier?
well, had a few discussions with him lately, which trigged me into reflecting and thinking about my future path in teaching, and my kids and my dis.
i've mulled over some of the things that my prof have questioned me about, with regards to scalability, sustainability and my own welfare.
but there is this nagging question that i asked myself which I can't answer: how and when do i have to exit the lives of my kids and dis? do i even exit at all?
some of my kids, we weren't that close in the first place. whether i entered or exited their lives, didn't make much of a difference to them.
but for the closer ones, and especially my dis, this question keep ringing in my mind: when do i exit their lives? when is it time to?
msn is such a wonderful tool in the past. my kids would be able to ask me things online, i would be able to provide advice etc. it is quite easy to see who's troubled, as they are pretty open about their emotions in their msn nicknames. the kids find it gratifying that someone actually bothers to talk to them and care for them, and i find it gratifying too. it is nice that i was invited to some of their little outings, which i did go and enjoyed.
but that was when they were 14 and 15 years old.
now that they are approaching 16, where they are a lot more matured, and seeking their own identity and have the mind of their own, i'm a lot more hesitant in initiating any msn conversations. true, it might be words of concern, asking them how they do. but if we all know - when we were teenagers, such good intentions are easily mistaken as not enough trust given or simply nagging. if they choose to think that way, i don't blame them. they are still 16.
i want to give them the breathing space. i don't know if i'm overstaying my welcome now. i'm afraid of being intrusive, obsessive, and naggy. one of my kid asked if i'm going that one of my di is having some birthday thingy the other day. i wasn't aware, and he said he'll find out and tell me so that i can go. i told him not to - as much as i would love to join them. if my di choose not to tell me about it, i have to respect his space.
i'm no longer sure what to do. there are times where i want to ask one of my kids or dis how are they doing, after knowing that they are going through some problems. many a times, i open the messenger window, only to close it, worrying that i'll end up being naggy or intrusive. i see that they are going through some problems in their blogs, and find that i'm thinking more often if i should tag.
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so many a times i criticise some countries for intervening another country's stuff. despite good intentions, many a times, it ends up as doing more harm than good.
now i've reach a fork road, wondering - am i doing more harm than good with my "interventions"? is it time for me to not log into that account any more, and step away once and for all?
recently, i've agreed to intervene and help one of my kaks. i was convince at that point in time that i'm doing the right thing. yet now, i'm not sure if my intervention is of any help in the long run. to re-enter once more, i'm not sure if i'm of help to my kak or my kids and my dis at all.
i'm no longer sure. perhaps i should have walked away a long time ago.
it is easy to know when to let go of a kite so that it can fly higher. if only it's that clear.
like that prof of mine said, humans, are the random variable.
remember the computing lecturer i mentioned earlier?
well, had a few discussions with him lately, which trigged me into reflecting and thinking about my future path in teaching, and my kids and my dis.
i've mulled over some of the things that my prof have questioned me about, with regards to scalability, sustainability and my own welfare.
but there is this nagging question that i asked myself which I can't answer: how and when do i have to exit the lives of my kids and dis? do i even exit at all?
some of my kids, we weren't that close in the first place. whether i entered or exited their lives, didn't make much of a difference to them.
but for the closer ones, and especially my dis, this question keep ringing in my mind: when do i exit their lives? when is it time to?
msn is such a wonderful tool in the past. my kids would be able to ask me things online, i would be able to provide advice etc. it is quite easy to see who's troubled, as they are pretty open about their emotions in their msn nicknames. the kids find it gratifying that someone actually bothers to talk to them and care for them, and i find it gratifying too. it is nice that i was invited to some of their little outings, which i did go and enjoyed.
but that was when they were 14 and 15 years old.
now that they are approaching 16, where they are a lot more matured, and seeking their own identity and have the mind of their own, i'm a lot more hesitant in initiating any msn conversations. true, it might be words of concern, asking them how they do. but if we all know - when we were teenagers, such good intentions are easily mistaken as not enough trust given or simply nagging. if they choose to think that way, i don't blame them. they are still 16.
i want to give them the breathing space. i don't know if i'm overstaying my welcome now. i'm afraid of being intrusive, obsessive, and naggy. one of my kid asked if i'm going that one of my di is having some birthday thingy the other day. i wasn't aware, and he said he'll find out and tell me so that i can go. i told him not to - as much as i would love to join them. if my di choose not to tell me about it, i have to respect his space.
i'm no longer sure what to do. there are times where i want to ask one of my kids or dis how are they doing, after knowing that they are going through some problems. many a times, i open the messenger window, only to close it, worrying that i'll end up being naggy or intrusive. i see that they are going through some problems in their blogs, and find that i'm thinking more often if i should tag.
----------------------------------------------
so many a times i criticise some countries for intervening another country's stuff. despite good intentions, many a times, it ends up as doing more harm than good.
now i've reach a fork road, wondering - am i doing more harm than good with my "interventions"? is it time for me to not log into that account any more, and step away once and for all?
recently, i've agreed to intervene and help one of my kaks. i was convince at that point in time that i'm doing the right thing. yet now, i'm not sure if my intervention is of any help in the long run. to re-enter once more, i'm not sure if i'm of help to my kak or my kids and my dis at all.
i'm no longer sure. perhaps i should have walked away a long time ago.
it is easy to know when to let go of a kite so that it can fly higher. if only it's that clear.
like that prof of mine said, humans, are the random variable.
posted by yanjie at
11:25 PM
2 Comments:
nice end to an emo post heh. what you say makes sense, but sorry I can't offer a suggestion to your dilemma.
the only alternative i had was for you to quick go get married and have kids! it does sound a bit like something parents would struggle with - in having to let go so the kite can fly higher.
xhui.
offer not advice but an offer of a listening would suffice to show ur care and concern. if they need it, they will take it up and you can share and advise as you would have liked to. if they dun, then you know it is best to let them handle the way they chose. this should help in your dilemma.
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