so this is 2008

time for my traditional look-back-look-ahead post. I've decided to do something less direct. I'll let songs do the talking. all, except one, has english subtitles lah.

with matters regarding the mon-kids, i started off the year with this attitude:


turns out subsequently somethings happened. it could be partly because i did not let go completely either. when my fingers were grabbed, i decided to hold it once again. i thought (and kinda wanted) it would be like this:


turns out i never left, when even when the boats came.

for a period of time, i felt like this. especially when i was at the new pasture - torn between monkeys at both pastures. it wasn't a case of either-all, it was a case of not having a choice at all. what was done for the new pastures, i wished i could use it for the mon-kids. but it was still limited to a few.

>

when it all cumulated and they have made it through the big hurdle, silence was all that's left. it's close to 2 months of silence with most of them.

----------------------------
among this silence, much has happened. . i had one of my best semester results a mid an extremely crazy semester, handling inefficiencies of admin work to prepare for my time away for a long long time.

the last 2 months came with bad news about mae. things seems optimistic right now. i hope it stays that way. then again, anything can happen.
----------------------------
as for the mon-kids, this song enlightened me.


the ticket to the destination was never for me all along. to have come so far and close to the destination - i should count myself lucky.

the ticket is available to all. right now, they have so many boats for them. the boats have the tickets to the destination - why would the log be needed at the destination if that's the case? is he wanted at the destination at all in the first place?

i forgot that the ticket was never meant for me - the destination was something that is available to all, the boats, but not the floating log. some how, i felt a lot more at peace when i realised this, especially when i found out that i will be missing a lot more things at the destination. why be bothered about it. it was never meant for me from the start.

------------------------------

i don't know what to say about the new year. so much has happened this year, in terms of personal life, in terms of the world. perhaps 2008 is the darkest hour before dawn. perhaps we have yet to reach the darkest hour yet.

but life is transient. so is all things good and bad. this is my attitude:

pass

kak asked for another copy of my slides the other day. met up with her today to pass her those, along with the file that contains all the notes and resources i have created for the past 2 years.

i guess i wouldn't be needing them for quite a while, especially when i'm going to be away for a long time. so instead of letting it sit on my bookshelf to collect dust, why not lend it to kak instead.

perhaps i should have passed it to her long time ago. after all, she held the ticket, while i was denied the destination despite holding to one.

wipe your tears, andaman

no name, no identification, no voice.
nobody knows who's beneath these graves.
marked only with a serial number,
wondering if their family is waiting back at home.

nobody knows what's their story before,
but when it came, the stories ended the same way.


a name, a picture, an identification.
a poem, a verse, a "we miss you".

different countries, different ages,
different skin colour, different religion.
different life stories before.
but when it came, the stories ended the same way.


a boat, that floated
not just itself
it carried along people.
it floated the lives of many,
the hopes of many,
whom today, continue to tell the story of this boat.


a minority group, that was on the verge of losing it all.
before it came, they warned all.
still they lost some of their loved ones
but their stories bear grit and determination.


when the waves came, 4 years ago,
they say it took away so many.

yet the stories remain, passed on and on.
those that was passed to me,
i've passed it on.
and will pass it on to my future students.
your story of life,
your story of recovery.



ซับน้ำตาอันดามัน by Carabao
wipe your tears, andaman (translation from ethaimusic.com)


ไม่เคยคิด ไม่เคยฝัน ไม่ทันตั้งตัว
I had never thought.. I had never dreamed.. I'm unable to establish myself...
ท้องฟ้ามืดมัว แผ่นดินเลื่อนลั่นสั่นไหว
The sky were cloudy.. and the ground shaked loudly...

ไม่เคยพบ ไม่เคยเห็น ไม่เคยสนใจ
I had never encountered it.. I had never seen it.. and I have never paid attention to it...
ซูนามิ คืออะไร รู้จักแต่ซาซิมิ
What's Tsunami? I only know Sashimi...

มันมาดั่งมัจจุราช ทุ่มโถมโทรมใส่ชายหาด
It came as if Death.. swooped down and ravished on the beach
มันกวาดทุกสิ่งพินาศ..... ซูนามิ
It swept everything to it's fall... Tsunami.

ไม่เคยนึก ไม่เคยนับ สรรพศพมากมาย
I had never thought.. I never counted... all the corpses were so many...
แผ่นดินร่ำไห้ แผ่นน้ำใยเลือดเย็น
The ground cries... the water is cruel...

ไม่ว่าใคร ไม่ว่าชาติไหน ไม่มีข้อยกเว้น
No matter who, No matter which nationality, It had no exceptions...
ธรรมชาติถือกฎเกณฑ์ มนุษย์เทียบเท่าเม็ดทราย
Nature believes in a rule.. where a human is the equal to a grain of sand...

มันมาดั่งมัจจุราช มันโถมทุ่มใส่ชายหาด
It came as Death, it swooped down and lavished on the beach..
มันกวาดทุกสิ่งพินาศ..... ซูนามิ
It swept everything to it's fall... Tsunami.

อันดามัน สวรรค์บนโลกวิไลซ์
Andaman, the beautiful paradise on earth...
ต้องวิปโยคครั้งยิ่งใหญ่ นี่คือชะตากรรม
it had to be the most tragical time..this is fate.

อันดามัน สวรรค์ไม่ทันเตรียมกาย
Andaman, the paradise unable to be prepared.
ไหลไปเถอะธารน้ำใจ ซับน้ำตาอันดามัน
Please let your kindness flow.. wipe your tears Andaman...

ไหลไปเถอะธารน้ำใจ ซับน้ำตาอันดามัน
Please let your kindness flow.. wipe your tears Andaman...
โอ๊ย……..โอย ซูนามิ
Oh... ... .. oh... Tsunami

sometimes music says it better

haven't tinkered the ivories for a while. i'm reminded of this scene in the "love of siam" movie:



here's what happened half an hour later, when emotions and word mix with epiphany and ivories were tinkered.
mind the lousy chords (i don't know how to arrange) and poor recording quality.

sometimes, music says it better than words.

to the monkey who asked yesterday,
thank you.
but look at what has happened,
or not happened so far.
how not to think
that it doesn't matter to them?

what is love to you?

watched the original version of "love of siam"(รักแห่งสยาม) via 土豆 a few months back. was attracted to it as fellow thai class friends and ajarns were saying how wonderful the movie is, but never came across a subtitled version till on 土豆. apparently, there were some outrage when the movie was shown, as there was a subplot that involves homosexuality. well, can't blame them. this was the movie poster:



seems like a teen romance movie. no hint of any homosexual scenes in the movie. no wonder they were caught surprised when the two male leads kissed.

but this aren't a movie about homosexual romance anyway, as the director claimed ( and I would agree after watching the movie). this movie is multi-layered with different subplots and stories, and different kinds of love - parental, friendship. it discussed about the kind of love spouses spouses have, the kind of love families have, the kind of love teenagers have - puppy love, infatuation, confusion about sexuality and self-identity. to say that it is a homosexual story base on the kissing scene is like saying that the kueh lapis is too green by pointing out to the green layer.



the fact that it is a multi-layered story about different kinds of love is more evident from the director's cut version, which is kinda like an extended version of the original one, where previously deleted scenes are inserted back. the characters are fleshed out a lot more - to show more of their struggles and motivations behind their actions. the mother who seemed uncaring to the father at home, is actually very worried about his health. tong may have initiated the kiss with mew, but with the director's cut version, we see more of him struggling with his own identity and sexuality. the mother having witness his son and mew kissing - we see more of her struggling with whether to accept her son's possible sexual orientation and the kind of things she did out of love for her son. the kind of relationships teenagers have are also under the spotlight more - are they doing certain things because that is what girlfriend/boyfriends are suppose to do, or are they really in love? infatuation? crush? how do they deal with it?

it goes back to these questions: what is love? and what would you do for love? is there such thing as too much love? why do we hurt the ones we love?

if you have the chance, watch it. especially the director's cut version. a sweet, enjoyable and deep movie. great songs too. just don't expect a happy ending. :P

and please, understand the scenes in the context of the whole movie and story development. it's not a "gay movie". it's much deeper and more layered than that.

empty tables

not used to seeing so many empty tables at the library.
on the bright side, i can be very lok-kok!

lie

the same lie for the past 3 years.
you think that will tug my heart strings once more?

i've seen through the lies
i've seen through your real intention.

no need to lie or suck up to me
you can end your performance.

the exact same words for the past 3 years.
" I will......."
if you meant it at all
for al the times you uttered it,
you wouldn't find yourself in such a situation today.

take a bow.
I don't need to see that performance.

the floating log wonders if he should break the 1 month plus silence and tell the monkeys that he will be going away for a long time.

why wonder?

it doesn't seem like it matters to them. tell them already, don't know what the reaction would be like.

is it worth breaking the silence?

the fallacy of "lacking parental supervision"

was reading the article about the increasing sexual activity among teenagers. all i can say is that i'm not really convinced that there is this moral panic as suggested by the article, as they have simply taken some isolated cases to prove a certain point. even the survey conducted among 1000 teenagers did not highlight the sample size and demographic for us to truly ascertain how accurate it reflects the mindset of teenagers. it is after all, a paper that suggest that all thais in singapore are upset when suvarnabhumi airport was closed based on a few interviews at golden mile?

anyway, that is not the main reason why i'm writing this post. in trying to find a reason for this moral panic illusion, the "experts" attribute it mainly to a lack of parental supervision as the reason to why such problems surface. so technically, if one tightens parental supervision, the "problem" would be solved?

wrong. it will make matters worse in fact.

let's use this metaphor. parental supervision is like the leaves on a tree. with more parental supervision, you would shade more - likewise, with lesser parental supervision is like having lesser leaves on a trees, hence providing less shade.




hence, attributing these "problems" to a lack of parental supervision is like saying that teenagers these days are more exposed to the sun is because there is less leaves on the tree. so to solve the problem is to add more leaves to the tree?

but is the trunk and branches of the tree strong enough? having more leaves means more weight - a tree with weak trees and brances will simply break when more leaves are added.

the trunks and branches in these case refer to the rapport and trust between the parent and child. a parent-child relationship that lack rapport and trust will simply break down parental supervision is increased, without a strong rapport and trust to support it. teenagers will feel that their parents don't know enough about them, and can't trust their parents decisions as what's good for them. in fact, it would simply push the child to do what the "increased parental supervision" is suppose to prevent.

hence, what's lacking is not parental supervision - it is a rapport and trust between child and parent. but here comes the contradiction - if a parent trust a child more, why should a parent supervise their child more then?

with trust, the supervision is no longer active, but rather passive. what do i mean by that? when there is trust and rapport, a child is more willing to ask a parent about something he or she is curious about. when there is trust and rapport, a child is more willing to seek the advice of a parent when facing a dilemma or problem. hence, instead of actively supervising what the child is doing, the child comes to the parent, and the parent is updated of the child's activities without needing to actively ask or "interrogate". in another words, the tree need not extent its branches actively to shade the child, the child comes to the shade.



i would be lying if i were to say that i wasn't worried about my monkeys when they were relationships. you hear news of all those "moral panic", and you wonder about the possibility of things happening. but i decided not to give warnings or advices when they are not asked for. i decided to show that i trust them to make the right decisions as young adults. rather, i chose to hide my paranoia and worries behind, and chose to build trust and rapport instead. what happens in the end is that i get to tease those who are in a relationship, a sign that rapport has been build. at the same time, when they are facing dilemmas in their relationship, my advice is sought. even if i declared that i've not been in a relationship before to give good advice, the fact that the advice is still sought suggest a certain amount of trust.

only when advice is given when it is solicited will be heard by a teenager, where as an advice or warning given when it is not asked for will be nagging to a teenager. for advice to be solicited, there needs to be rapport. for warnings to be heeded, there needs to be trust. of course, i do nag and yes there are times when my advices are considered as naggings as well.

what our journalists need to do is not just point out the symptoms of growing numbers of poor child-parent relationship. net addiction, increasing sexual curiosity, etc. pointing out the symptoms without attributing it correctly to a poor child-parent relationship would only increase the amount of paranoia in parents, making them trust their child less and straining their relationship.

disclaimer: the choice of trees as a metaphor has nothing to do with the fact that i'm a floating log. :P

full glass?

is my glass full,
or can it actually hold more water?

someone once said my glass is not full,
it's just that i stop more water from going into it.

i wish to think that it can hold a lot more water,
instead of just one group.
i thought it was proven to me this year
that it can hold more water.
but was it selective?

if it is really full,
should i pour away the old water then?

what do i mean by this glass and water metaphor?
if you understand this (nice) song, you'll get what i mean.

the song that best describes what i'm feeling now

(ถ้าน้องวินได้อ่านโพส์ตนี้ ขอน้องวินช่วยพี่หน่อย ถ้ามีไครขอน้องวินช่วยแปลโพส์ตนี้ให้ ไม่ให้แปลได้ไหม ขอบใจนะน้อง :) )

ไม่รู้ว่าทำไมวันนี้คิดถึงลูกกับน้องชายมากๆ
ไม่คุยกับเขามา๑เดือนแล้ว
บอกกับตัวเองต้องตัดใจ

ในเดือนนี้ก็ไม่มีอะไร
แต่ทำไมวันน้ีรุ้สึกอย่างนี้
อย่ากได้เจอเขา
อยากได้คุยกับเขา

ทำไม
เพราะวันนี้ไปใกบลๆเฃงคัง?

the picture in every house

it is no exaggeration that almost every single house in thailand display at least a picture of the royalty. to say that thais respect the king is an understatement.

paul m. handley, the author of "the king never smiles" put a counter argument about the halo that surrounds the king's image. i must say that it is quite well-argued, but whether it is constructed or not, it is hard to deny that the king is the unifying force of the country. minorities in the south, who did not go to school to receive what some would charge as the "propaganda", but are discriminated against by other ethnic thais, feels that they are "subjects of the king" but do not belong to the thai government. when illegal migrants in the north wants to show their gratitude to the country for hosting them, they do it by showing respect to the king, not the thai government.

of course, there are many different pictures of the king. the most common ones are him holding on to a map, with a camera slinged around his neck, consulting the people, giving suggestions or inspecting the royal projects aimed at improving the lives of the people.

but this is my favourite of them all, where he greeted a leper with such affection.



"ที่ของข้าพเจ้าในโลกนี้
คือการที่ได้อยู่ท่ามกลางประชาชนของข้าพเจ้า
นั้นคือคนไทยทั้งปวง"

"my place in the world
is to be with my people
- all thai people"

in celebration of his 81st birthday

in tribute to a leader that i really respect

my next few post over the next few days will be as a form of tribute to the king of thailand, in celebration of his 81th birthday on 5th of december.

my respect for him did not come overnight. like all who visited thailand for the first time, i did wonder why is the king so highly revered in the country. it was only through reading his biographies did i understand what he has done.

now some might argue that his eminence and respect given by the thais were done through propaganda. if it was true, do consider the following
1) if what he has done is all fluff, why was he awarded the UN human development award?
2) why did he earn the respect of so many foreigners, including me, who have not read any thing that was written by thais?

i do agree that news about him can be a little bias. but to consider it as "propaganda", like what was written in "the king never smiles", i think it is a little extreme. besides, the book, in its intention to be more critical, was still unable to deny the contributions the king has done for his people. that is the source of my respect for him.



he and his brother fell in love with jazz while they were studying. this is one of his composition

suggestion to those judging on the current situations

1) please know the full story.

don't say "they should have done this" "why they didn't do this" if you don't know the full context. eg: asking why the indian intelligence didn't do this or that, or why the pad takes over the airport. for the case of india, as you can see, even if the hotel remains on high alert, it would still have failed as some of the terrorists are already working gin the hotel, hence entering through the loopholes. yes, more could have been detected, but do take into considerations of the bigger picture and the other things they have done as well before judging.

as for pad, do try to understand why they do it in the first place and their motivation. it is over-simplification to say that it is class-war, bangkok vs rural area. hello, pad also have supporters in the rural south. what class-war are you talking about? do also question the media's protrayal and pictures they provide in contrast to this

from here

i'm not saying that it justifies their actions, but before you call them "undemocratic" or "violent", do look at what they are comparing as well. tell me from these pictures, what "mob rule" are you talking about?


2) stop over-generalising the whole area

just because it happened in mumbai or bangkok does not mean that the whole of the city is in trouble. it's like saying that the whole of singapore is in turmoil because of protests at parliment and speaker's corner, whether in turns violent or not. please lah, they are localised areas.

yes, there is a risk of the threat spreading. but think about it again - where would the threat spread if it were to spread? i think we singaporeans had a higher chance of catching sars in 2003 then to be affected by the protests if we were in bangkok.

disclaimer
i'm not supporting the acts of the terrorists in mumbai, nor am i trying to play down the danger in these places. yes, terrorism is very real. yes, these protests can turn into bloodshed. but like all things geographical, think about the scale. is the whole of the city affected?

just like how we were lamenting that singapore is quite safe even though sars was at its height - can we do the same for mumbai and bangkok? assess the actual geographical scale of the threat before we hold any irrational fears or judge the situation?