i'm not afraid of you

i think i'm hearing more than average cases of cancer around me. family, friends, friends of friends, family of friends, etc. just the other day, i heard about an ex-colleague's husband having "not much time to live" due to terminal cancer.

seems like i have an affinity with cancer. it took away 2 of the people i love, and has a haunting presence around me.

that is why if it comes for me one day, i think i can say, "i'm not afraid of you".

take my life as you wish. or if i'm suppose to fight you. i no longer care.

it is not because i've given up. but rather, to know that it will come for me one day, makes me wanna make every breath count more.

shoot the moon

when norah jones came out with her debut album, the most popular song was "don't know why". but don't know why, that's not my favourite song in this album.

i very much preferred this, shoot the moon

facing death

i guess after the first one, one learns to let go a lot more easily when death occurs.

after all,
1) all things, good or bad, must come to an end
2) death liberates him/her from his/her suffering

some say what's left is just the shell, that eventually reduce to ashes and dust
but they forgot
the love and impact they left behind
will remain on and on.

it's not a tearful goodbye.
but happy in a certain sense of a way.

succumbed to the temptation

i've told myself this year that with regards to the monkeys,
1) i will not give advice unless it is asked for
2) i will remain passive even though i know they are troubled instead of actively asking how they are coping

these are based on the belief that
1) they are old enough to sort out their own problems
2) they should be given the space to sort things out on their own instead of being hand-held actively so that they can grow and have the confidence to make informed decisions
3) they should be given the trust that they are able to sort things out on their own
4) some may not want me in their life anymore, and hence, taking an active role will "intrude" into it.

yet today i succumb to temptations to ask one monkey who is obviously troubled.

cannot. cannot do that anymore.

fly away, again

"You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away"


in loving memory of mae.
not related by blood, but by heart.