tears

they took out the cake,
put it in front of you.

You smiled,
we joked.

we shared of what we feel, one after another.
you cried.
we teared.

it was all too familiar,
last year, this was what you all did to me too.
took out a cake,
i smilied, we joked.
you all shared what you felt, one after another.
I cried.
you teared.
That was because I thought that was really goodbye.
But it aren't.

Like I told her,
"this is not goodbye"
but she's been here longer than me
all the kids, all the collegues,
she's much more attached to them than me.
but it is still not goodbye.

Kak, it's only separation.
you're not leaving your memories behind,
you're not saying goodbye.
I know it's hard,
to leave these wonderful collegues,
but you're not leaving us - you are only leaving the place.

I know it's hard,
to leave these wonderful kids,
to wonder how will they be,
To worry about them while you're pursuing your own studies and dream,
especially when their N'levels is this year.
But they will be fine.

Kak, jaga diri baik baik.
(take good care of yourself)

为情所困

不是我，是我其中一位小瓜为情所困。如他所说，为何他那么年轻（十五岁）就有这种问题。

情情爱爱，这我最不在行了。快要二十二岁了，从没谈过恋爱。求学时匆匆忙忙，只会忙课外活动的东西，连睡觉和读书的时间都不够，更何况找个人来谈恋爱。

这种东西，我已看开了。这种东西，可遇不可求。 去找，只会寻到痛苦。若你遇到了，就好咯。若没遇到，何必去找呢？

我这一生有这些小瓜，一生已经满足了。我知道，他们始终会忘记我。我不求他们记得我，只求他们成为有用的人，只求他们走他们该走的路。只要这样，我就满住了。

人生，一转眼就走完了。
一个人的爱恨情仇，一把风吹过就消失在风中。 连中国五千年的历史也记载不完大人物的事事非非，更何况我们这些小人物？
那又何必在乎那么多？何必在乎你在不在人家的回忆里？
但一个人走的路，不只影响他，也影响他身边的人，和他的下一代。那能不在乎吗？

the judges are leaving

Last friday was the last school day here for 2 of the people whom I respect a lot in the staff room.

One of them is my kakak, who took care of me and guided me in my journey last year. She was the form teachers of the porcupines last year, and never fail to look after the porcupines this year, even though she's no longer their form teacher.

The other is the most crucial person there whom without her, I wouldn't be there last year. Not just because I reliefed her, but she has always guided, mentored and gave me very good advice, be it in studies, teaching and career. I've always respected her and admired her, for her love of the turtles.

Porcupines are full of spikes. Many find them a pain, not knowing that porcupines only hurt to protect themselves. Some find the porcupine a hindrance. But Kakak never fail to see how beautiful they can be, and taught me how to see it as well. She's never stop caring for them, loving them like they're her own.

Turtles are slow animals on land. Though G never admitted it openly, every time she speaks about the turtle, you could tell that she love them and cares for them as well. Even though she complains about them, she's the one who always see the beauty in them. Other find them slow, a hindrance to heir path, unmovable - but not her(not openly though).

I don't only admire them for their love of the turtle and porcupine, but for their love of their job, their family and their religion - and balanced it all well.

Farewell to 2 of the people who made a difference in my path in teaching. You deserve somewhere better, and may the other porcupines and turtles that youv'e come across continue to appreciate your love and efforts.

The Judge - Rabindranath Tagore
Say of him what you please,
but I know my child's failings.

I do not love him because he is good,
but because he is my little child.

How should you know how dear he can be
when you try to weigh his merits against his faults?

When I must punish him
he becomes all the more a part of my being.

When I cause his tears to come
my heart weeps with him.

I alone have a right to blame and punish,
for he only may chastise who loves.

damn you

yes, damn you yanjie. How could you have lose it?

How could I have lose it. So what I don't have a class to co-form, or my deployment aren't confirm? I may only take them for a week, but that doesn't give me the excuse not to do anything in that week.

Wake up. Don't let it slip through your hands again.

another round of results

Well, did ok. things I didn't expect to do well, did well. Things I expected to do well, didn't do well. But most imprtantly, I survived Economy and Space, which I thought will cost my CAP!

CAP now looked like it dropped abit. But in reality, this sem's CAP dropped quite a bit. Luckily it's not due to my Major's Module. But if I want what I want from my NUS education, this is not enough.

Kids are back safe and sound. Glad they enjoyed. Apperently, the landscape aroused much of their interest. Time to do more explanation.

Can you help me do a survey?

Recently, there's a group of people doing survey, at the "no man's land" between Sengkang MRT/LRT station and Compass Point. Was it for some credit card, bank or insurance, I wasn't sure. But I walked past there a few times for the past week trying to get to Compass Point.

Well, in the past, surveyors (is this the name of their occupation?) would usually greet you and ask to spare a few minutes of your time, usually not very successful. However, I respect those who did that, as they conducted themselves in a professional manner.

However, the "surveyors" that I've encountered in this no man's land is far from professional, and many a times, pushed much of my buttons. One of the tactic is that they would tap on your shoulder, and say "Hey!" like they are some long lost friend, or even say "I know you!" and hoping that you will do the survey as you might mistake them to be your friend. I usually give them a cold stare and walk away, as I think this is very unprofessional. I could even hear them laugh as I walked away "Aiyah! He looked like he almost believed it".

Today, one of them crossed the boundary even further. I was about 10m away from her, and she rushed to me, slap my arm repeatedly with the clipboard, saying "eh eh, help me to this survey leh", as thoug as I'm her close friend. That really pushed my buttons. I turned around and told her "Do I know you?" As I walk away, she dare to have the cheek to say "No need to be so fierce right?" I was quite close to turn around "No need to be so rude, unprofessional and hypocritcal right?"

Well, that slapping action, you would usually see it among the kids or female friends who are rather jumpy. You know, the kind of slapping on the arm when they are squeeking away or when they say "ehhhhhh, why you like that one". To me, it's an act between friends, or between 2 people who are closer than friends. After all, no one does that to strangers right?

So how is she rude? Firstly, unsolicitated physical contact. It's not even polite physical contact like a handshake. It's an act that is performed between 2 people who knows each other, or have a certain level of intimacy.

So how is she unprofessional? Cause she's trying to trick me into thinking that I know her some where and would help her do the survey like how I would help a friend. Besides, she doesn't even tell me what this survey is for, or where she's coming for.

So how is she hypocritical? Well, how is she acting to be someone I know different from someone at work pretending to be your friend or buddy so as to get something out from you? To be fair, most people in the service industry are nice to you to get something out from you. But they don't pretend to be someone you know, or someone whom you have a relationship with, and usually keep their niceness as part of their professional conduct.

I agree that being a "surveyor" aren't easy. I know, I've tried it. It aren't easy getting Singaporeans who are always busy to stand for a minute or 2.

But resorting to such tactics, to me is despicable and self-degrading. What's next if they continue to be like this? Hug people, kiss them , tell them how much they are missed and then ask them to do the survey form by calling them "Darling"?

Too far fetch? Well, they are already a step closer when they try to make you believe that they're your long lost friend with all the physical contact and the words they use!

form teachers

it seems like there are 3 kinds of form teachers, from the perspective of a fellow (relief) teacher.

1) Those who cooperate and coordinate with other teachers to look out for their form class
2) Those who can't be bothered about their form class other than attendance and CME lessons
3) Those who are highly possesive of their form class and take it as a threat or undermining their abilities when other teachers sound out about certain issues with regards to their form class.

I had a great time last year, especially when the form teachers of all the classes I taught belongs to Cat 1. These forms teachers tend to be close to their students and are genuinely concerned about them. Hence, it's great working with them trying to help some students, or looking out for the well-being and emotional development of the students. We would always share info on how they are doing so as to look out for them, or we would help reinforce each other's praises to raise their self esteem.

Those that belongs to CAT 2 doesn't seem quite bothered about their class. In fact, they are more than happy if other teachers could help to look out for their classes.

Unfortunately, I'm working with a form teacher that belongs to Cat 3. It doesn't seem like he's close to his class, and smirks when I sounded out to him regarding some of his students who are not emotionally well, especially those whom I'm rather close to as I taught them last year. His answers and replies carry the tone of "I know what I'm doing" and a sense of arrogance, along with a smirk on his face, and a body posture that goes "what do you know about my students? You've only been here for a week or so?". I thought it was just me. Apperently, there were quite a few occasions where he flaunted his arrogance to other collegues. Doesn't help when kids find him arrogant as well.

Hello? I could keep all these info to myself and let events unfold, some, which could have a tragic ending. I'm not doubting your abilities, I'm just telling you, cause I thought as a FT, you would find such information important. Or I could just do things on my own without informing you, disregarding the fact that you're their FT. I'm giving you the respect as a FT, that's why I'm telling you and not interfering your actions or decisions. If you don't appreciate it, and think that you know best, or find that I'm interfering you, just tell it straight in my face please. Or if you want me to scram and not care about your students, say so then. I will scram, but sorry, you can't stop me from giving a damn about your students, especially when you don't seem to be doing it well.

And unfortunately, most of the students that I know of which needs to be looked out for are in his class. Sigh. The most some of the us, the other subect teachers, could do is to look out for them among the few of us. However, things would be much more effective if the form teacher is involved as well.

Note to self: If you ever become a FT, do not let personal pride, ego and politics interfere with the possiblity of further development of the child.

for the love of the child

as agreed, I went to Wai Por (maternal grandmother) house today after work to get the food she's cooked. Big Bro just had lunch with her. After all, it's been a few years since they get to sit down and have a meal together. And she cooked enough for me to pack back home for mum and 2nd bro.

I was shocked by the spread she's cooked. I think it could easily rival a Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner. It's quite clear that she's spent lots of time, effort and love to whip up these dishes. While she's packing food for me to bring b ack, she gave me a bowl of soup to drink.

Looking at the love she's put in, I've decided not to mention to her that I'm being a vegetarian for these few days, and eat whatever meat there is in the bowl.

Wai Por never mentioned a single word of how much she love us.

But she constantly showed us how much she loved us through her actions and nagging.

======================================================

Wanted to reach school before 6.45am to see the kids off for their camp. Unfortunately, 1h 30 mins of alarm didn't chase off the ZZZ monster, and I barely made it to school for assembly, lest seeing them off.

Now I understood how mum felt when I was sent for overseas trips in sec 3. To her, I was (still am) the baby. To me, I'm old enough to take care of myself and excited to see the world out therer. Hence, I would always end up taking her worries as excessive and naggy.

Now I'm the one worrying excessively and being naggy.
======================================================
was talking to M and C about my holiday plans for school. They mentioned that perhaps I don't have a family yet, hence don't feel the pinch of spending less time with kids.

I can't help but agree. I've always wondered how they juggled everything - family, children, teaching, studens, admin work, cca, committee work etc.

And I had difficulty telling them, that yes, I feel the pinch, cause they are somehow, my kids.

just like how their children gave them happiness, saddness, hope, dissapointment, love, anger, pride, a sense of wonder, and most importantly, a reason to wake up everyday, those kids have given me these feelings as well, perhaps not as dense as what M and C has gotten from their own children.

kids going overseas trip next week. Either sec 3 camp in taman negara or vietnam for humanities trip.

Either way, hope they take care of themselves. most importantly, hope they play hard and take a good break, before they come back to do all the catching up they have to do.

Sigh, i'm nagging.

it sucks being the a**hole

I hate it. Walking into class and transforming myself into an anal a**hole.

It sucks that your ex-students are excited to see you after one year, but you can't reciprocrate by sharing with them how equally excited you are, because you have to keep a straight face and be an anal a**hole.

It sucks that your ex-students has to see you being so fierece for the first time. It sucks to pick on your ex-students whom you know behaved well in the past, but not now.

It sucks being the anal a**hole.

But like a bitter pill. If I don't do this, I'll suffer in future lessons managing the class. And so would their learning.

But I'm glad that they know why I'm doing it. And manage to share our excitement outside of the classroom. :D. They've indeed grown and matured.

another star shone

another star shone today.

the one I thought responded least - i didn't know that star has grown up so much so quickly. The star's conversation is a lot more mature, filled with a lot more quality thought, and is a lot more appreciative and less eogistic, as compared to 5 months ago.

It's times like this that everything suddently feels worthwhile.

a star shone

a star shone today, and made me real proud. I don't care if the star is the brightest or not, but it shone so brightly that it made me very proud. It really made my day. Though I can't share much details, I couldn't contain my happiness and have to tell the star how proud I am of it. This is something no other job can give.

Glad that others have also seen the beauty of the star. :D

Now who's spoiling the mood by playing "5 stars arising"?

end of day 1

it was great to be back, to be working with the people I've enjoyed working with. It's so obvious who really appreciates your presence by the way one says "It's great to have you back", or who's saying it just because it's politically correct. Some minor hiccups here and there, but oh well. That's normal. I didnt know my finger print is still being stored at the access point, and the poor OM tried for 5 mins to programme my name. oops.

But oh well. Though it was just marking and invigilation, I still enjoyed my day today. It is the last of my first day back there after all I guess. It was great seeing the kids, though didn't see most of them.

trouble sleeping

had trouble sleeping. Wondered if it's because big bro is back for a visit, hence a new sleeping arrangement, or that the weather is extremely warm, or my body clock is still not adjusted back yet.

Or that I'm simply too excited to start work today.

Indeed, I can't wait.

Turning talents?

Was reading NUS President's Speech in NUS University Award 2006. He provided an andecote about his conversation with an Indian Scientist, who claim that "genius of the American education system is turning ordinary talents into extraordinary talents", whilst the *insert name of country* education system is "turning extraordinary talents into ordinary talents".

What about Singapore's education system?

I personally think we have given extraordinary talents space and opportunities for them to develop into extraordinary talents.

But here's the catch: who is to determine who's extraordinary talent? Have we recognised the talents in every kid?

I think the problem we have is not realising the potential of the extraordinary, but rather, realising many out there that their potential is extraordinary.

If you could see what I have seen, you would agree that it's beautiful. :D

puzzling syllabus

was reading through the new geog elective syllabus on the Examination Board's website. Was very happy that they included physical geography components, but was kinda puzzled by the fact that River and Coasts, as well as Natural Vegetation was chosen.

Isn't Natural Vegetation an extension of Climate? When I checked the textbook, climate is a separate topic for students doing pure geography. How can we expect the students taking geography elective to understand and appreciate natural vegetation better without first understanding climate? What's their reason? Isn't Tectonics a more exclusive topic?

At least to me, natural vegetation is the landscape manifestation of climate. The distribution of natural vegetation reflects the kind of climate the landscape has. How am I going to explain to my kids the difference between a tropical rain forest and a tropical monsoon rain forest without explaining what is monsoon and how it comes about? How would they better appreciate the characteristics of the vegetation has to over come the limits of the climate it is in?

Unless we expect them to memorise it by hard, which I think is a very effective way in killing their interest in their subject?

Puzzled. If someone knows why, please enlighten me.

E205

I've moved out of hall (mostly) on Sunday, in anticpation of work on Monday. However, M called, change of plans, and starting on coming Monday instead. Oh well, I could do with a one week break.

Here's some pics of E205, my room in my home away from home. PS: It's usually messier than this, especially during production period. But strangely, I'm extremely anal about the cleanliness of the floor, sweeping and wiping it at least once a week. Probably because I tend to lie on the floor sometimes.

My notice board outside my room. Production flyer and my hand print, a proof that I'm a initated Eguana

My Room Door. Clockwise from Top Left: "The Judge" as handwritten and drawn by me, lyrics of "不留“ as handwritten and drawn by me, my block door gift, Apple Sticker, and a cute cartoon that linked physics with classroom management by Otto Fong


My Messy Realm


My Work Area. Yup, that's a keyboard drawer on the table, as I like working with a raised inclined surface, and the keyboard drawer hits my leg when I sleep if I left it there. Those are indeed cables and CDs hanging on the board: I can't find a better way to keep my cables and commonly used accessible and yet neat. Yup, matric card too, as it always gets lost.



My Work Table. Yup, those are the photos of kids. Wanted to print out the other 4 classes as well, but was caught up with production, then project deadlines, then exams. Sigh. Whenver I feel down, those pics will instantly perk me up. The paper next to it is "The Judge" to remind me of the values I hold in education, and the star was given to us during the sharing session by Mrs Chua, Principle of Northlight Secondary, to remind me how wonderful these kids are.




My shelves above my table. Clockwise from top left: relevant NUS Publications, Notes(self binded) , files and textbook, utensiles and food stuff, nothing much, Misc IT stuff, Misc brochurdes for reference.


Bed. Yes, I'm griping over the floral bed sheet too, especially when I'm a minimalist. But I had no choice - the other minimalist bedsheet I had at home is the exact colour as the green protective cover of the bed, which makes people wonder if I have a bed sheet at all. Oh, that green floor mat was given to me by my carebear - hate having floor mats as it collect dust, but it's a nice deco though.


Headboard with decorations. From left: RP bear from DND, Sign and foever friends bear that spells my initals from Kaka Fabulous, Emptor and FWOC gifts


My beloved and trusted Mackie with his sidekick - Canon Printer. It hasn't jammed on me yet, and it does duplex printing beautifully.


All packed up.


The room and furniture in its original state


Goodbye my room! As much as I complained about you all the time, I had a great time!

What rubbish

I'm apalled by Andy Ho's article "Global warming: Who or what is the real culprit?" I can't believe they allowed this poorly researched and grossly errored article on ST. Here's my email to him:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Andy Ho,

I read your article with great enthusiasm, as it seems to promise a different perspective to the Global Warming Debate. However, I was thoroughly disappointed by the number of geographical and scientific errors in your writing.

1) You've mentioned that there is a lag time of 800 years between a rise of carbon ( I assume you meant rise in carbon dioxide) and temperature increase. You have mentioned that human produce just "a small fraction of 1 per cent of all carbon" and that "Dying vegetation produces much more". But have you considered the following human activities that contribute to the rise in carbon dioxide composition?

a) Burning of vegetation: We are removing the very "tools" in nature that converts carbon dioxide into oxygen by storing the carbon in them. Yet, we are increasing the amount of carbon dioxide in the air by burning the carbon in vegetation into carbon dioxide. If you think the forest fire in Sumatra in bad, the deforestation in the Amazon forest is a lot worst.

b) Burning of fossil fuels

If humans were to produce only just "a small fraction of 1 percent of all carbon", I assume you'll consider NEA's statistics of Singaporeans releasing about 150tonnes of Carbon dioxide per square kilometer per day as minimal as well?

You added on saying that methane is much more effective in trapping heat than carbon dioxide. True, but isn't cattle grazing (who produces methane throuch belching) as well as rice padi farms human activities as well? Hasn't that been on a rise? In fact, CFC is a much more effective heat trapper than methane. Didn't human release quite a bit of it too?


2) What are your sources that show that "0.6 deg C higher" "most of that rise occurred before the modern era of industrialisation"?
3) Since you claim that there is a time lag between changes in carbon dioxide and changes in temperature, why did you contradict yourself when you want to prove your point that carbon dioxide has no effect by stating that "When CO2 output rose dramatically - global temperatures actually were on a downward trend."? Wouldn't it be more accurate to your point if you show that when CO2 output rose dramatically 800 years ago, temperatures now were on a downward trend?

4) Your statistic of global temperatures "have been climbing for three decades now - by just 0.2 deg C" is the average global temperature I assume? However, these changes in temperature mask extreme temperature changes. For example, If Europe were to experience a drop of 30 deg C in temperature for their winter, and India were to experience a rise of 10 deg C in temperature for their hot season, assuming the temperature in all other countries and all other seasons remain the same, the average global temperature will be lowered by at least 10 deg C. Can you still say that there is barely any climate change then? If so, why are there still "worst heatwave" ever recorded or "worst winter ever recorded" in news these years?

5) You've mentioned that a rise in sun spot activity corresponded to a rise in temperature. However, that contradicted to what my lecturer have researched, that a rise of sun spot activity actually correspond to a drop in temperature. Please refer to LIM Han She at geolhs@nus.edu.sg

6) Your cloud theory is kinda flawed in my opinion.
a) Firstly, you've over emphasized the importance of cosmic particles in the creation of clouds. If that's the case, Singapore must have received lots of cosmic particles during our monsoon season, especially last year. If particles in the air were that effective in creating clouds, why is it that Indonesia have so much problem creating rain with cloud seeding?

b) Your theory assumes that the cloud cover is constant across all parts of the world. Unfortunately, that's not the case

c) Even if clouds were to reflect the sun rays away, it doesn't mean that the energy from the reflected sun rays would not be absorbed by the greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.

d) Are the amount cosmic particles consistent enough for a few decades to drive such cloud formations and influence the temperature?

7) You ended saying that "the engine driving the Earth's climate change is sun - not carbon - and the transmission belt is water". The Sun is indeed the driver of Earth's climate system. But without intervening elements like green house gases to trap and store the energy from the sun in the form of heat, the Earth will be no different from the moon. An extreme case of too much green house gases is Venus. The issue is not how carbon produces heat, or how human produces heat, but how much more of this heat trapping element are we producing and releasing?

8) Lastly, you mentioned that Sheryl Crow's proposal on toilet paper is "kind of inanity". I didn't know our Malay and much of Southeast Asian counterparts have been so "inane" for so many years.
PS: to put it in context, he quoted Sheryl Crow wanting to propose a limitation on how many squres of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Well, it seems like Sheryl Crow wants to reduce the number of trees that needs to be cut down to make toilet paper, the very absorbers of carbon dioxide. How is such thing "inane" when our Malay and SEAsians counterpart has been able to use the toilet without toilet paper for so long?

Regards

The commodity Maid

I didn't know maid (or domestic helpers) are commodities. Check out "Nation"'s newest promotion: Get a Maid today and stand a chance to win a brand new car!!!

What do you think these people who leave their hometown against all fears of the unknown are? What do you think these daughters of mothers and fathers are?

The way you potray your maids, no wonder there are always stories that Singaporeans don't treat their maid humanly. Heck, even the agency doesn't take them to be human - a commodity rather.

They are living humans too damn it.