disconnecting

*i'm just in the mood to type everything in lower caps. don't ask me why*

one of the most fundamental buddhist theory, is if i remember correctly, that attachment is the root of all suffering. attachment to things or people, that is why we suffer when we lose them. attachment to the living world, that is why spirits can't move on peacefully. attachment to grudges, that is why one continue to suffer in hatred. only when we can discard all these attachments, can we find peace. i have not read about the dharma for quite a while, so there should be some inaccuracies in what i've just mentioned, but basically, the gist that i remember is that attachment more or less equates to suffering.

ironically, i'm an extremely sedimental person. i like to keep things that reminds of certain parts of my life. i know attachment is the root of suffering, yet i still keep things to remind me of certain memorable parts of my life.

lately i'm trying to release my emotional attachment to certain things and people. yet there is this subconscious fear that i'll forget these people that i treasure and the memorable moments i have with them when i release that attachment.

accept the fact yanjie. you are, and never will, be a part of their life, even though they are very much in yours. some don't even want it. let go and fade away.

but that file containing what all of them have written when we first got to know each other, might stay for a long time to come. i still don't have the heart to throw away its contents, for it continues to bring me smiles, even after 1 year.