One thing about hall is that it is a place of irony to me. There is always people around you. There will be people walking pass your corridors, your neighbours walking in and out of their rooms, people coming to look for you, people coming to look for your neighbours etc.  Yet, hall can be a lonely and private place. Shut your door, hide in your room, and nobody will know if you are in or not. People can knock on your door to jio you, but as long as you play dead and lock your door, nobody really knows. 

Some people claim that with this number of people and activities around, you can never get lonely in hall. Unfortunately, these people have not heard of the term "alone in a crowd". Think our domestic workers living among a huge Singaporean family. So what there is a lot of people around her - no one connects to her.

One of my kid just asked me an hour ago - "is it lonely living in hall?"

I don't know how to give him a general answer that applies to majority of the people, cause my own experience seems to differ. Is it lonely? Actually, my personal answer would be - it can be at times, especially this year.

I looked around, and realise that people whom I'm close to in hall, are not really people from my block. I don't play sports, that leaves out having a common experience with 75% of the active members in my block. My fellow drama person in my block is currently on exchange. No one in my block knows anything about designing website, other than those who want tips from me for their computing module. Most of the people I know through hall activities - hardly any are from this block.

That leaves out hardly any common experience for me to connect with them. But that hasn't been an issue last year, or all my life, especially the issue about websites and design. But why now?

Perhaps I do not have anyone in hall to share about the people I love now. Perhaps they will see the photos of the people I love most, comment about it, and that's it. They have no idea, what is it like to love them, or what joy they bring, and the frustrations they bring. Like minded people in the staff room will understand and appreciate it when you tell them how one of them rocked your day with a simple act, or why you're upset when they did something wrong. They too have been through it.

Most of the people in hall, they seriously wonder why in the world are you talking about them with so much pride. When you share stories with them about how these people you love rock or rained your days, the nicer ones try to appreciate, but never understood why. 

SO there goes sharing a big part of your life. And talk about small things, like "dinner?", "dota?".

Don't get me wrong. I'm not disillusioned about hall life. I know of people who are so disillusioned that they declare every single human relationship created in hall as "superficial".

I guess, I just miss the days where there are people around me whom we can exchange the wonders in our lives that wow or upset. Most of all, missing the people who are responsible for it.

Perhaps it's a signal for me to move on. But how do you put behind something that drives you and made every moment of your life worth living for, and continue to give you the energy and motivation to push it to its limits even now?

Their pictures will continue to be my wallpaper, on my bedside, on my table. And probably, for a long time to come, no one else in hall will be able to fully understand why they are up there.

"I know they will move on. But I don't know how"