angel's blessing

was told today by some of the monkeys
that they think that she's the angel,
who blessed them for their oral exam.

she is an angel to them in many ways.
she is a blessing to them in so many ways.

as requested, she hid it from them,
so nice of her to hide it behind the term "angel"
when compared to her,
i'm nothing.

some secrets are best left hidden.
cause what people assume to be the case,
when the secret is hidden,
is actually better,
then when the secret is uncovered.

that was partly why i told her not to tell them. :)
hence i was smiling to myself today.
:D

what do you call a gift from the greatest gifts in your life?

being able to take them
having the chance,
to care for them,
love them,
laugh with them,
play with them,
cry with them,
for the past 3 years,
is a wonderful gift in my life.

being able to see them grow, mature,
from little kids,
to young adults,
is another wonderful gift in my life.

having 5 of them as my di,
having them as my kids,
is the greatest gifts of all in my life.


so tell me,
what do you call,
this gift,
from the wonderful gifts in your life?

though for the past 3 years,
you all did not say "thank you" or anything
but it didn't matter to me.
cause i already have so many intangible gifts from you all.

that was why i thought,
you all were joking,
when you all asked if i could wear that watch.
i nearly teared on the spot.

thank you,
thank you very much.
for all that you all have given me for the past 3 years.
i really, really, treasure that a lot.

this watch,
will always remind me,
of all the days i had with you all.

one of you said, it is quite cheap.
but it really really meant a lot to me.
i really, can't bear to wear it.

but on the day i take the oath to be a teacher,
i will wear this watch.

cold

"Cold,
cold water
surrounds me now"

the weather is kinda chilly today,
the rain is kinda cold,
the air-conditioning in the buses and buildings are freezing.

but that wasn't what chilled me today.

in the warmth of a growing perseverance and determination,
in the chill of being ignored.

though that is not why i do what i'm doing,
and i repeatedly remind myself that,
it is a little hard to ignore the chill,
and not crave for a little warmth.

i guess when the big event is over,
when the aftermath is revealed,
that is when i'll be away for a few months.

i surrender it to what may happen when i'm away.
if it is to go to zero, let it be.
if it is to go beyond where it is now, let it be.

i didn't do what i did to be remembered,
though being remembered is a bonus.
it is a bonus after all,
let's not desire for it.

if it chills, let it chill.
after a few more months,
when i'm physically away,
it will be easier to let go.

if it chills, let it chill.
after a few more months,
there are no more reasons,
it will be easier to let go,
and fade away.

if it chills,
i guess there is no reason,
for me to bide farewell either.

if it chills,
guess when the aftermath is revealed,
i would have found the answer.

for the moment,
a feeling of lost,
a feeling of not knowing what to do.

"Cold,
cold water
surrounds me now"

叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？

today, mos told the old cow that he is missed at the new pasture, and that the monkeys of the new pasture misses the old cow as well.

somehow, that triggered this line that the old cow blogged about before: 叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？(Did the leaf leave the tree, because the wind carried it away, or is it because the tree did not ask the leaf to say?)

the old cow is not used to it. outpouring of appreciation and thanks from the monkeys. back in the old pasture, only a few of the monkeys ever showed their appreciation to the old cow. none of them said that the old cow is missed. usually, this led to the old cow to wonder: is he doing the right thing for his monkids? sometimes when his colleagues told the old cow that he left an impact on his monkids, the old cow really doubt if that is the case.

it is not that the old cow wants to feel popular. the old cow just wants to know if he is doing the right things, or has done the right things for his monkids. grades wise, it is obviously shown that academically, he didn't benefit most of them. it was, in fact, worse than when his monkids didn't have him. as for the rest, given how silent the majority is, he finds it difficult to believe what his colleagues told him.

yet somehow, he did the same things, in fact, less, at the new pasture. yet it seems to benefit the monkeys at the new pasture a lot more. given the feedback given by the monkids and mos, it seems like the old cow did the right thing at the new pasture.

what mos said today to the old cow tipped the mental balance scale in the old cow. it really got the old cow thinking
1) if his methods are unsuitable for his monkids, and that it didn't really benefit them
2) if his methods are suitable and effective for his monkids, and it did have an impact and benefit them, but just that they don't say it and that he is being overly insecure.
3) if he has, while his time at the old pasture, made things worse for his monkids.

the old cow also got on reflecting further. when he started his time at the new pasture, he thought it would be a 3 weeks affair, bye bye, syonara and that's it. yet, the old cow is still harking back, offering his service to the new pasture, just like what he is doing to the old pasture.

the old cow thought again: why is he doing this to the new pasture?

did the leaf leave the tree, because the wind carried it away,
or is it because the tree did not ask it to stay?

but one thing is for sure:
1) the monkeys in the new pasture have a place in the old cow's heart
2) just that the monkids of the old pasture are a lot more special in the old cow's heart and eyes
3) the most special will always be the 5 dis of the old cow.

for my girl

i quoted this song when i finished reliefing my mon-kids in 2006, to state my reluctance to leave. I wrote on their board

"i know i'll miss you, but i can't stand still.
the world's before me, beyond that hill.
the unknown is beckoning, daring me to try.
it's time to stretch these wings and fly"

thought it was rather apt, as i was about to start a new phase of my life - as a university student.

turns out i followed the last line of the song instead
"this aren't goodbye. i'm just, checking out."

that was why i used that line to say goodbye at the new pasture.

if given the choice, i would have used the whole song. but not many people of heard of it, lest have it for me to dedicate to them.

so here it is.


For my girl - Kit Chan
Remember when a dream was all you've got
Yet it made you happy you didn't need much
It's not true that life gets more complicated
It's the people that got more screwed up

I know I'll miss you but I can't stand still
The world's before me beyond that hill
The unknown is beckoning daring me to try
It's time to stretch these wings and fly.

* This song is for my girl Wherever you are
I hope you can be brave And don't chicken out
This song is for my girl You know who you are
This ain't goodbye I'm just checking out *

Hey I've been there & I know it's rough
You're still so young but you feel burnt out
But baby living a lie is much more tough
Throw caution to the wind & don't give up

I know I'll miss you but I can't stand still
The world's before me beyond that hill
The unknown is beckoning daring me to try
It's time to stretch these wings and fly.

* This song is for my girl Wherever you are
I hope you can be brave And don't chicken out
This song is for my girl You know who you are
This ain't goodbye I'm just checking out *

smile

"thanks for the lesson, appreciated it."

a mon-kid of mine sent this sms. along with his eagerness and drive to learn today, it made my day. all i can say is "better late than never." it's totally opposite from last year, as he mentioned " sec 3. we were fooling around and not thinking." it surprised me even more, cause he is someone who was pissed with me last year, and he's someone who doesn't show his appreciation easily.

so happen that kak and i were discussing about them on tue, and she mentioned how they seemed to have forgotten or didn't read last year's stuff.

but better late than never.

moments like this, make me know that i'm on the right path.

what i dislike about my fellow nus students

on the shuttle bus

1. rushing up the bus before people can alight
especially when the bus is filled to the brim. people have to squeeze their way out and you have to make it more difficult. can't you wait at the bus stop? you're just making things more difficult for everyone, including yourself. if you've done that to me, chances are, i have scolded you "excuse me? can you wait?" if you realise people are alighting only when you've rush up the bus, does it kill you to apologise and back off first, instead of squeezing the very narrow exit/entrance?


2. not moving into the centre of the bus
people are late for lesson so that you don't have to squeeze pass one less person when it is time for you to alight.


3. forcing me to give way to you
i know you need to alight, but so do 10 other people on the bus. if i move to let you alight first, i'll be blocking at least 10 other people. will it kill you to wait and let others alight first?

during lessons / lectures

1. chatting
   lecturers actually have to shush young adults to keep quiet during lessons. i think the limit was yesterday, when i saw people using camera with flash to cam-whore while the lecturer is talking. thrice.


2. no opinions
   yet when the lecturer/tutor ask a question, no one has anything to add. paraphrasing what others have said doesn't make you sound more intelligent. "i agree with......" will suffice. don't waste our time, especially when you don't have anything new, be it ideas or examples to add.

 

walkways and doors

1. groupies who clog the corridors
   keep talking while you stroll and bottleneck the whole corridor. we can all wait and be late for lessons



2. hold the door for the one behind you
   i don't expect anyone to hold the door for me. i'm always holding the door for others, and i don't expect them to say thank you. but can you take over the door when there are other people behind you? i have lost count the number of times i have to hold the door for people after people, because you're not considerate enough to take over the door for the person behind you. record number? i held the door for 7 people to walk pass. i should have asked for tips

others

1. power plug hoarders
   yes, i know you are hoarding a seat in the library. yes, i know you have taken your laptop with you while you're out for lunch. but is there a need for you to hoard the power outlet with your laptop adapter that connects to nothing? that is just downright selfish. i would just unplug such hoarders' adapters and use the outlet. not surprisingly, i can use it for up to 2 hours and the hoarder did not return. imagine how selfish you are.

it scares me, that these people, will become the "elite" of the society.
i'm not saying i'm any better,
but it is instances like this,
especially behaviour that even my mon-kids don't have,
that makes me think that,
my mon-kids deserve a place in university more than them.

a knife on my back is that so?

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbours as one living a pure life.

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she had a child.

This made her parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parent went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say.

After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbours and everything else he needed.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth - the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fish market.

The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back.

Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?"

don't discuss

don't discuss so much about them in front of me.
it makes me miss taking them more. :(

a significant moment

had a secondary school gathering and this question popped out "what is the most significant moment in your life after you've graduated from secondary school?"

it didn't take me more than 5s to have the answer to the question: "to have my 110 kids and 5 dis, and to be able to see them grow."

i miss them.

met another di of mine today. he has lost weight, and looked so tired. haiz.

short change

this is not the intended post in relation to the ted talk from the previous post,
but,
during my time in the new pasture,
i just can't help it.
i just can't shake of the feeling.
that my mon-kids and dis of the old pasture,
are being short-changed.

i don't know about the new pasture,
there maybe pastures out there with better grasses,
but the new pasture has definitely showed me,
how wonderful some pastures can be.
how there can be bountiful fruits for the monkeys
without needing to have climate changing machines
or guides on the trees.

in the new pasture,
where the tigers are not given wings,
i felt that there is so much more hope in the service.

but i can't help but feel,
that how my monkids and dis,
could have benefited a lot more,
if they were at the new pasture instead.

i think it is an idea worth spreading as well

you've gotta watch this video before you will get what i'll talk about in my next post. i think she is spreading a really good idea. it's not so much about having strokes - it's what she said at the last 5-10 minutes.

my di looks so tired

maybe its just me, but i've never seen this di of mine so tired, and seemed like he has lost some weight.

i know you're working hard. do take care of yourself also, k?

*ruffle your head*

did i tell you, when i ask my colleague to spot who are my 5 dis from my wallpaper, she immediately pointed to you?