the monkey asked

a wise monkey from the new pasture popped this question at the old cow yesterday "when will you move on?"

to contextualise it, it was asked out of concern for the old cow's attachment and continued involvement with the monkey from the new pasture and the monkids of the LWAWACAGT .

the old cow replied, perhaps after the big hurdle ahead. after that, the old cow wouldn't be needed.

the wise monkey told the old cow "after the big hurdle, the teacher may not be needed. but the friend is still needed" he went on saying, how some of the monkeys, wants it to turn to friendship. or in his another analogy, one-sided to two sided.

but the old cow has been through it. one-sided, to two sided, and a sudden silent from the other side. no reason, or a reason that the other side refuse to tell the old cow. those were the days where the monkids will always ask the old cow, and just when he thought things were more secure, there was an abrupt silence. 

they never asked anymore, other than academic stuff. suddenly, things turn one-sided again.

wise monkey, you're indeed mature and wise beyond your age. here's what the old cow has to say.

as the dialogue in a movie, which T and M are names of 2 characters, goes:

M:......So i have one question. If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the one day we are separated?
And, if being separated is a part of life, and you know about separation well, is it possible T, that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them?

At the same time, I was also wondering. Is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all?

Thats my loneliness.
I have lived with it now for 5 years. I know how bad loneliness feels. I fear it will continue to get worse.

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perhaps this is what parents go through, don't you think wise monkey?

they love their children unconditionally,

they let their life revolve around their children,

the children wants the life of their parents to revolve around them,

and when their children grows up,

the children wants the parents out of their life,

or in some extreme cases, 

ask them to get their own lives.

as much there is a wound,

due to the abrupt silence,

the old cow has no regrets.

if  moving on with life means, 

devoting this time, energy and attention to something else,

that the old cow can do.

and most likely do when the big hurdle for his monkids are over.

if moving on with life means forgetting them,

that the old cow can't do.

they will always hold that special place in his heart,

for they are his inspiration,

and motivation,

for what he chose to do. 

perhaps the old cow will never know why it suddenly became one-sided,

why it suddenly become quiet.

why smiles are there in group photos without him,

but some of the smiles are lost in the photos with him.

but he's still thankful for the good times and joy. 

if he had learnt his so-called lesson,

he wouldn't have done what he's doing,

with the monkeys at the new pasture. 

perhaps after the big hurdle is over,

it will be clearer.