things that perked up the week so far

1) when i asked how's the match, my di replied "got me, will lose meh?" finally they rose from their fall last week.

2) another di of my showed me a pic of him smiling. never seen him smile until like before. he used to act cool, so it came as a surprise to see him smile with so much happiness and revealing the "sha" side of him.

3) another di of mine has his braces on at last. no, i'm not being sadistic lah. i know he's been looking forward to it for quite a while mah!

4) been working on some teaching materials for some presentation stuff. the old feeling of satisfaction and goodness came back. why do i feel more challenged writing things that is aimed at secondary school students than writing things for my professors? It is more difficult to simplify things while retaining the big picture i guess.

why not have meis?

a female kid of mine asked "you have 5 dis, why not have meis?"

well, there are two answers to it. one personal, one professional.

for the answer that stems from personal reasons, it is dead simple - my dis are my dis because i realise, that i see them more like a younger sibling to me. i felt the responsibility to look out for them like how a older brother would, i realise that they are, like younger brothers that i never had, and i very much love and proud of them like how an elder brother would to his younger siblings.

most importantly, they are special to me. there wasn't any selection criteria, it just happens. none of my female kids are close to that unfortunately. so how to be my meis?

as for the answer that stems from professional reasons, let's face it. we all know the formula - male teacher + female student has a very high probability of generating gossips and accusations. male teacher being the pervert, male teacher being the lecher etc. we all know it. it may be false accusations, but hey. the stigma will definitely stay even if there is no proof of misconduct of on the male teacher. such accusations and rumours, are not easy to wipe off.

also, not everyone takes the attention the same way. some naive ones might think that you are in love with them or whatsoever.

perhaps because of that, i might have subconsciously distanced myself from my female kids.

细水长流

this song never fails to bring back loads of memory. it actually belongs to the generation of my teachers, you know, when they were teens during the "xin yao" period. when i first heard this song in secondary school, my friends and i loved it immediately, for the lyrics expressed what we hope our friendship would be. especially the last line. it turned out to be better than what the song said lah.

but now this song has a different meaning to me now.


细水长流

年少时候　谁没有梦
无意之中　你将心愿透露
就在你生日的时候　我将小小口琴送
最难忘记　你的笑容

友情的细水慢慢流　流进了你我的心中
曾在球场边为你欢呼　你跌伤我揹负
夜里流星飞渡　想象著他日的路途
晚风听著我们壮志无数

年少时候　谁没有愁　
满腔愤概　唯有你能听得懂
每当我失意的时候　你将那首歌吹奏
琴声悠悠　解我轻懮

岁月的细水满满流　流到了别离的时候
轻拍你的肩　听我说朋友不要太惆怅
霓虹纵然再嚣张　我们的步履有方向
成败不论切莫将昔日遗忘

多年以后　又再相逢　
我们都有了疲倦的笑容
问一声我的朋友　何时再为我吹奏
是否依旧　是否依旧

人生的际遇千百种　但有知心长相重
人愿长久　水愿长流　年少时候

showing off

96 words

Speedtest

muhaha. i heard dvork keyboard uses can easily hit more than 100 words per min?

a fieldtrip at last with unexpected coincidence

finally, a fieldtrip for a geography module. last semester, i did not have a single fieldtrip(then again, where can you have a fieldtrip on topics such as migration and development? cue my displeasure of the current o'level geog elective human geog syllabus covering abstract topics like development and food geography, which is not very fieldtrip-able) finally, there's one this year, and it was good one!

if only they offered this module last semester. so many things that are relevant to the kids' learning are covered in the field trip. would have added more value to my lessons.

anyway, while we were listening to stuff about mangrove at a shelter, i was thinking that it was the very same shelter that i was with my dis when they came here for fishing last year (i didn't fish as i'm against it but i didn't stop them either.) just after i had that thought, i heard someone said "it's mr____ eh". I looked up and realise, they just came here to fish! totally couldn't believe my eyes.

what a small world. too bad we were rushing off to another location, if not would have introduced them properly to my friends. but well, they did tell me something that made me smile. "they are your kids and dis? now i understand why they are important to you" thanks ladies. glad that you all understand better. if only i had the chance to introduce you to them properly, and you'll understand why i'm proud of them too.

I have to stop being so lame

Me: Thinking day?
Guide: Yah! The day where our organisation was founded. The day we reflect and reflect and reflect
Me: Until total internal reflection?
Guide: =.=

a long overdue dedication

to the 2 hearts i referred in this post - a long overdue song dedication. cherish each other. :) 

Two less lonely people in the world - Air Supply

I was down my dreams were wearing thin
When youre lost where do you begin
My heart always seemed to drift from day to day
Looking for the love that never came my way

Then you smiled and I reached out to you
I could tell you were lonely too
One look then it all began for you and me
The moment that we touched I knew that there would be

(chorus) two less lonely people in the world
And its gonna be fine
Out of all the people in the world
I just cant believe youre mine
In my life where everything was wrong
Something finally went right
Now theres two less lonely people
In the world tonight

Just to think what I might have missed
Looking back how did I exist
I dreamed, still I never thought Id come this far
But miracles come true, I know cause here we are

(chorus)
Tonight I fell in love with you
And all the things I never knew
Seemed to come to me somehow
Baby, love is here and now theres
(repeat chorus)

when i give you advice about love, take it with a pinch of salt

had a talk with one of my dis earlier about love. somehow it paralleled the situation that i was in a few months back, about people you love not replying to your messages or what so ever, and how it drives you to worry excessively and end up showing distrust for the people you love.

my dear di, i've only given you advice from a perspective that is love for a family member, like brotherly love, parental love etc. but not love for a person that you would want to have a relationship with.

so take it with a pinch of salt. you might think that there is wisdom and logic in it. but i don't know how much it applies to love in a relationship.  after all, these are words from someone who haven't been in a relationship yet.

another proud moment

3 of my dis gotten back their common test paper. all 3 of them got a1!!! no wonder one of them couldn't wait and called me to tell me that. haven't been able to stop smiling ever since.

a little catching up

had a chat with my ex- co-form just now. to re-cap, both of us co-formed a class together when i reliefed for the very first time in 2006. then, we would always find ways and work together to teach and wake our class up - some who eventually became my dis. even though it was 2 years ago, whenever we talk, we would always end up talking about them.

we know that they are a wonderful bunch of kids since they were sec 2, just that i had the luck to be closer to some of them, who became my dis. we were talking about how much they have grown, especially that di of mine (whom i mentioned in my previous entry, about him scoring full marks). he was someone who blame others but not himself, and would show off every little improvement he made. my co-formed agreed with me - he has become a lot more hardworking and humble. 

she agreed  - it's great to see them grow up. 

 i guess she's the only one who understands and share my joy of witnessing them mature and grow - cause many of their teachers, only get to see the grown-up and matured version of them. 

it is also great that someone is also happy and proud of them as well.

working hard

one of my di sent me a message at 11.30pm. I didn't expect him to reply me when I replied his message at 1.30 am. he was still studying and trying to finish his work. No wonder his hardwork paid off. full marks for test. how much he has matured. he would show off to me in sec 2 when he barely pass a test, and would wax lyrical about every single time he studied. now that he is mugging till the wee hours, he brush it off as nothing. when his teacher told me how hard working he is, he brush it off as nothing. he didn't even tell me he got full marks - and said that he was just lucky when i congratulated him. :D

another di also. never fail to work till 12+ am everyday, and still insist on having tuition even though he had a long week and reded eyes. and almost perfect score for his test too! 

i really wish they get an o'level result that is better that what they targeted for. they deserve it.

strangely, i'm find it hard to verbalise it to them - how they have made me more proud of them. not just because of their results, but how much they have grown and changed. luckily i could put it in words via sms. if not i'll become the stereotypical asian dad again.

a little happy valentine's for everyone

my friends and i used to think and talk about what valentine's day symbolises, how it is a day of commercial gimmick, how singles have friendship day etc.

strangely, this year, i'm extremely at peace and excited about valentine's day. i'm no longer the cynic - instead, i find myself wishing some of the couples i know a happy valentine's day. for some unknown reasons, i just feel happy about valentine's day, even though i can't find any reasons to.

a little happy valentine's for everyone. i can only wish you, it's up to you and your other half to make it happen though. hehe.

a little something to warm your heart and make you go "awww"

(from the movie sepet)

'how long does it take to fall in love?'
'a minute.' 

'how long did it take you to fall in love with me?'
'much less than that..'

“let the people who never find true love believe that there is no such thing. their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.”

wislawa szymborska

as quoted by yasmin ahmad in sepet

stop calling me mr ___

stop calling me mr ___

i'm no longer your teacher

or a teacher to anyone

stop calling me mr ___

i appreciate the respect,

but i'm not holding the responsibilities that comes with the respect.

in the role of a teacher,

one has unequal power relations and authority over other people.

along with that comes with certain responsibilities.

i see so many cases,

of people assuming the role,

and take the respect for granted.

they forgot the responsibilities,

manipulate the unequal power relations,

abuse the authority,

for their own benefits.

i don't want to be like them.

i'm afraid i'll become one of them one day.

so until i assume that role,

don't call me mr ___

cause i don't hold the responsibilities. 

stop calling me mr ___

it's a sacred term to me.

i've made it sacred,

so that i'll be reminded of the responsibilities that comes with that respect.

it's just a small attempt i have,

to prevent myself from falling to the dark side.

so please,

stop calling me mr ___

at least for the time being.

i never know i had to ask that question. it felt like back-stabbing or doubting her. 

i hope they can give me an answer asap so that i know how and what to talk to her. i can't stand it. it feels like i'm doing things behind her back. i know she wouldn't mind, knowing that it is for them. 

but i can't stand it.

i've decided to take some minimal action. typical of my di. got problem, wouldn't tell me until i probe and ask. but at least he is independent. 

i guess initial probing are pointing to me needing to take more action. but until the statistics are sure, i wouldn't take any.

mean while, i'm hooked to this song. 

3 deadlines next week. did hell week come early?

i'm confused what to do

i'm always amazed how she teaches. with a marker and whiteboard, she weaves magic that grabbed everyone's attention. yet with slides and pictures, i bore the very same class to death. her love for her students, her love for the job, and her love for her colleagues - she's someone whom i've always looked up to and seek advice from. after teaching close to 10 years, married with kids and a major cca, it's amazing how she balances it all.

that is why, at the end of last year, when i know that she's taking my kids and dis, i couldn't be any happier to know that someone who is a lot more experienced and teach a lot better than me to take them. and i know, she's going to love them more than i did, and they will love her too. it was that fact that made me know that there is nothing left for me to worry about their humanities and that they will do great under her.

now after one month, i'm shocked by what a few of my kids said. i kinda knew it when i read it from their blogs, but i brushed it off thinking that they are not used to her style yet. now for them to verbalise it and tell it straight in my face, i was just, shocked.

some of the kids and dis told me before - she's good. it is exactly what i thought so. their blogs says so too, waxing lyricals about how wonderful it is to have her in class. i was assured. i thought everything was going right. now to hear something directly opposite of what i thought was the case? it shocked me. i was telling one of my kid what one of my di thought. that kid told me that my di didn't feel that way. it was even more shocking for me when that kid suggested that i give weekend lessons.

i don't know what to do. all i could do was to tell that kid to find out how many feel this way. i'm hoping that it's the minority who thinks this way. i guess only when we find out if it is the majority or minority who thinks that way will make me sure of what to do next.

even if it is the majority, what is the cause? is it really a case of them needing a bit more time to get used to her style or really, they cannot take her style?

i don't know what to do. correction: i don't know what to do that is best for them. 

what's the issue with food in school canteens?

was reading yesterday's (or was it day before) st and was catching up on bur-ha-ha with regards to the issue of having a fully halal school canteen.

apparently, a primary school had changed all her canteen stalls to serve halal food. that was in 2004 under the pervious principal. then recently, the new principal issued a parents' letter to ban any non-halal food to be brought to school, and that the teachers will check if the food is halal. that is when parents complained about it being discriminatory. muslim leaders and moe issued statements stating that it is not aiding racial integration in school, and that there is nothing wrong with a muslim eating halal food sharing a table with non-muslims eating non-halal food. moe has also decided on a policy that all schools must serve both halal and non-halal food.

i once toyed with the feasibility of having a full halal canteen.  it was not due to what racial integration thing-y or what so ever, but it stemmed from my limited perspective when i was a student, as well as a relief teacher. 

in these schools, there is usually 2 or 3 stalls out of 10-12 stalls serving halal food. usually, it will be one selling malay noodle dishes, another selling malay rice dishes, and another, might be a indian stall. 

indirectly, and unintentionally, this has caused problems for the muslim students. 

1) longer waiting time

excluding drink stalls, non-muslim students can choose to queue up at 8-10 stalls. but muslim students have to queue up at 2-3 stalls. technically, if non-muslim students keep to the 6-8 non-halal stalls, and assuming the proportion of the ethnic groups is similar to singapore's general population, statistically, that wouldn't be an issue. unfortunately, it is not uncommon to see just as much non-muslim students queueing up at halal stalls and non-halal stalls. what does this mean for our muslim students? a much longer queue, and they don't have much of a choice.

2) unable to exercise their rights as a customer

customers have certain rights. if the food from a stall is not good, they just don't queue for it. portions too small or price to expensive? go to another stall. it is not uncommon to see hardly any queues at unpopular stalls in schools.

but our muslim students don't have a choice! and with problem 1 around, it makes it harder for them to not patronise one of the halal stalls.

true the school administration can take action, but stall holders are after all, the one holding more power over it. take it from what happened during my jc days. for $1.50, the portion of the nasi goreng is 1/3 the portion of the fried rice from the chinese stall. it took a few weeks for the complaints from students to amass and seem like a big enough problems for the administration to take action. well, the stall holder gave in, but not much change was made. the portion increased to about 1/2 the portion of the fried rice from the chinese stall, which is not enough for teenagers. 

aren't they being discriminated indirectly then?

3) lack of choices

this might seem very trivial but let's put it this way. if most secondary students get sick of 10 stalls of canteen food, isn't it worse for our muslim students who has only 2-3 stalls to go to?

besides, most of the time, the food in halal stalls tend to be on the heavy and spicy side. there are also times when our muslim friends need something light also.

so why is it a must for a school to have both halal and non-halal stalls?

how does it promote racial integration?

how does it allow our students to be more aware and sensitive to other cultures when

1) we are giving the impression that halal food = malay /indian food. it is not difficult to see why. school canteen tends to be like this, so is public eateries other than fast food restaurants. that was the impression most of my friends and i have of halal food, until banquet came out.

2) limiting the choices of our muslim students when they can't try food from other cultures

i'm not looking at the utopian vision of students eating food from each other's plate. but seriously, i don't see how enforcing every school to have halal and non-halal food stalls promotes racial integration and teaches our kids to be more sensitive to other culture. If the number of halal stalls is not enough,  we would be creating problems for our muslim students indirectly. 

besides, what is the issue here? the parents are complaining that they are not allowed to bring non-halal food, not that the canteen is serving only halal food. how does enforcing such a rule solve the problem? you could simply have a rule that school administration are not allowed to set any rules with regards to food bring brought to school?

and if ever any parents complain that making a canteen serving only halal food is discrimination, i wonder how is that so? chinese, indian, western food can still be prepared and be halal. it is not that other races are not allowed to eat food prepared in their manner.

besides, what is wrong with excluding pork in our school canteens? it is not like the chinese MUST have pork in their diet. neither is it an issue eating other meat that is slaughtered in a halal manner, nor is it forbidden for other races to use utensils that has never touched pork before. it doesn't require a change in practices for the students' family, which will be the case if they are not allowed to bring non-halal food to school. so where's the discrimination? 

if they still scream discrimination, despite all these claims being debunked, is it because they are stigmatised by halal food? if so, where did the stigmatisation come from? is it due to a lack of exposure to what is considered halal? if so, does enforcing a halal/non-halal mix strengthens such stigmatisation then?

it's only at most 2 more days

then again, i don't have much right to ask you not to think or worry. i was dead worried when you all went for  a 3 day camp. but it was more of worried that something bad would happened due to bad planning rather than missing you all. ok, got miss lah. 

the stereotypical silent asian father

asian fathers are known to be quiet. they don't show their emotion, they don't talk much. apparently it is because they are socialised not to express their emotions or love. hence usually, they are quite constipated when it comes to words and would express their love for their children through tough actions. for example, scolding you why you've lost weight, asking you if you have enough money to spend etc. most of the time, when we are not matured enough, we would interpret that our father don't give a damn about us. but often when we realise, it is too many years later, or when they are gone.

i told myself that if i ever have kids, i wouldn't want to be this kind of father. i would want my kids to know that i love them and wouldn't want them to feel unloved.

when back to visit my kids and dis today. i missed them so much, yet when i sat down with them, i hardly spoke to them. other than 1 of my di who is pretty comfortable in engaging conversations with me, i barely said anything to the other 3 dis(1 more was absent).  i just didn't know what to say. or was it the fact that i was scared that i'll make them uncomfortable if i'm too open about how happy i am to see them? sigh...i'm doing the stereotypical silent asian father thingy.

but it was nice seeing all of them again after these few months. they didn't change much, but their teachers are raving about how much they have improved in terms of attitude. it was especially nice to hear one of my colleague raving how one of my di is taking initiatives consistently to clarify stuff with her. i couldn't have been more proud of him to hear that (erhm erhm, i've always been proud of each of them all the time by the way.) 

one of my kaks was telling me now she understood why i stood up in the level meeting to appeal for one of my kids from getting retain last year. though i'm happy to hear that he's taking it positively and doing well now, i can't help but realise something. 

i stood up for one of my dis once, and the outcome wasn't in our favour. i stood up for this kid, and the outcome wasn't in our favour. what's the problem? is it because i didn't push hard enough? i'll rather the outcome was in their favour then to have the chance now to tell those who didn't believe me "i told you so. look out how good they turn out to be, you should have trusted my judgement. see what kind of obstacles you have placed for them, especially my di". 

heard somethings that i didn't expect to hear today. will blog about it another time when i've sort out my thoughts about it.

happy lunar new year to you!

and please stop asking why i haven't found a girlfriend yet!

dating game?

i thought dating game came late when i look out of my window and saw people lighting up and arranging candles to the shape of a heart. 

turns out someone is giving another person his heart. seems like he didn't wait for half a year for nothing.

and obviously some people don't have assignments to rush or readings to read! ok just kidding.

photos

a female friend of mine, who always nag about my status of being unattached, exclaimed these when she came into my room the other day to get something

"why are you displaying pictures of your kids? like that how to get girlfriend? if you get one and she come in and these is all she see how?"

 i nearly died laughing because of the tone.

but hey. like it or not, they are an important part of me. most importantly, it is a reminder as to why i am here, why did i choose this path, and a constant reminder to me not to stray into the dark side.

like it or not, they are an important part of me. you have to accept that if you want to accept me.

---------------------------------------------------------

so much smiley faces.

looks like i made e right decision to give my blessings.

a cute but freaking long song

7:30 mins. it is freaking long, but very cute song with lyrics which i think is quite true (base on what i've observed. that's one thing about staying in hall - you see enough couples to know how to spot one that might be developing / developed, whether the relationship is a long lasting nurturing one or one that has all the sweetness but self-consuming and expire quickly.)

恋爱症侯群黄舒骏

关于恋爱症候群的发生原因
至今仍然是最大的一个谜
不管性别年龄职业体重学历长相和血型

没有一个人可以免疫

有些专家学者研究后相信
恋爱是内分泌失调所引起
却有别人认为恋爱属于过滤性簿
像感冒无药可救但会自动痊愈

不管你同不同意
自古到今许多例子证明
恋爱不但是一种病态
它还可能是一种变态

一般发病后的初期反应
会开始改变一些生活习性
洗澡洗得特别干净刷牙刷得特别用力
半夜里突然爬起来弹钢琴

有人每天站在阳台对路人傻笑
有人突然疯疯癫癫突然很安静
有人一脸痴呆对著镜子咬著指甲打喷嚏
有人对小狗骂三字经

女人突然改变发型
男人开始每天练著哑铃
食欲不振歇斯底里四肢萎缩神经过敏发抖
抽筋都出现在这时期

随著病情越来越变本加厉
人会变得格外敏感勇敢和恶心
写的唱的说的都像天才诗人一般才华洋溢
愈肉麻愈觉得有趣

有人恋爱之后每天躲在厕所哭泣
有人开记者会宣布恋爱的消息
有人总是喜欢两个人躲在黑漆漆的地方
像做了不可告人的事情

每天忙著找人算命
挖空心思改变自己配合对方的习性
把每天都当作记念日
把自己当作记念品

每天漫无目的腻在一起
言不及意也决得好有趣
走著坐著躺著趴著都行影不离
像是两人三脚又像连体婴

心里想的只有爱你爱你爱你爱你
也不管家里米缸有没有米
也不管路上有人示威抗议
只管爱你

心里想的只有爱你爱你爱你爱你
也不管海峡两岸统一问题
也不管埃塞俄比亚多少难民
只管爱你

经过一段轰轰烈烈热恋时期
不久就会开始渐渐痊愈
两人开始互相厌倦互相攻击对方缺点
所有甜言蜜语都随风而去

然后开始从错觉和误解中清醒
惊讶自己为何如此不聪明
为了爱情不管一切
不顾父母朋友姐妹兄弟
开始感到后悔不已
然后开始感到疲惫沉闷气喘心悸牙痛头痛梦呓
然后是精神不济瞳孔放大脾气暴躁四肢麻痹
终于受不了要分离

虽然结果颇令人伤心
了解之后也没什么了不起
爱情终究是握不住的云
只是我想要告诉你
哦...

在我落寞的岁月里
你的温柔解脱我的孤寂
带给我深深的狂喜
如此颤动著我的心灵

轻轻诉说爱你爱你爱你爱你
不管是黑夜或是黎明
不管是梦中或是清醒
深深爱你

我要对你说爱你爱你爱你爱你
不管是黑夜或是黎明
不管是梦中或是清醒
深深爱你
多么幸福
让我遇见你
呜...

what kind of teacher will you choose?

what kind of teacher would you want?

this is a hypothetical question i've been wanting to ask anyone.

let's say you have 2 teachers. 

1 is an extremely friendly, caring and understanding teacher, but that teacher can't teach at all. or he is not experienced enough to tell you what to focus on. 

the other is extremely aloof. the only time you see that teacher is in your classroom and in the staffroom. that teacher doesn't care about bonding with you, or building rapport. but that teacher teach so damn well, that if you follow every single thing he or she says, you will be guaranteed an a+++.

if you only have these 2 teachers to choose from, who will you choose? 

of course this question is not very realistic, cause there are teachers out there, like my kaks, are a combination of both of these extremes. but if you can only choose either one, which will you choose?

numbers

2 eyes read something like it

2 ears heard something like it

1 mind inferred it

1 heart was sure about it

1 smile that wouldn't go away

from 1 heart

3 nags

1 promise

for 2 hearts

from 1 heart

1 advice

for 1 heart.

from 1 heart

infinite wishes

infinite blessings

for 2 hearts.

1 worry,

that some things might happen.

1 trust,

says it wouldn't. 

2 hearts.

:)

“They're both convinced

that a sudden passion joined them.

Such certainty is beautiful,

but uncertainty is more beautiful still.”

Wislawa Szymborska

as quoted by 几米 in 向左走、向右走

returning to a world that i try not to return to

have some briefing in some army camp that i haven't been too. sianz...

crying game

what happens when you have 2 hours of gamelan tutorial and 2 hours of gamelan course on the same day?

the gong cycle refuse to leave your mind.....

this song always takes my breath away whenever I hear it, with the mood it creates and the surreal-ness of the voice. it helps that boy george looks like a hantu at times.

I know all there is to know - about the crying game

I´ve had my share of the crying game

First there are kisses - than there are signs

and than before you know where you are - you´re saying goodbye

One day soon I´m gonna tell the moon about the crying game

and if he knows maybe he´ll explain -why there are heartaches - why there are tears

Say what to do - to stop feeling blue - when love dissapear

First there are kisses - than there are signs

and than before you know where you are - you´re saying goodbye

Don´t want no more - of this crying game

kinda like a good answer to some of the questions i'm being thrown at for the moment.