is "spreading democracy" the new colonisation?

i think so.

1) "democracy ideals is the best" vs the "colonise to civilise" mindsets
2) "help them get what they want" vs the "help them develop"

after so many years, such socio-centric thinking still exist. sigh.

one thing i must thank the current syllabus (finally, something to thank): they've removed the rostow 5 stage development model. i don't think we should educate our kids such eurocentric model either.

small town values?

"can you be more generic?" lol.

slipping through my fingers

i'm don't know how many years late i am,

but thank you abba, for this song.

it resonates in me well now.

meryl steep's version in "mamma mia" almost made me tear though.

this song speaks so much.

Slipping through my fingers - ABBA

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers...

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile...

gah

i hate it.

to 'suan'  you for any complaints you make.

to attach labels like "whining" to your words,

to be curd and saying things like "you don't want to do it? fine! it's your grades!"

it hurts di.

it hurs to do these to you all.

i'm worried i'm straining you,

i'm worried that i'm compromising on your other subjects

but you're simply too far behind time.

you have so much to catch up.

perhaps that's the price you have to pay for not listening to my advice,

and perhaps this is the price i have to pay for giving too much trust to you.

please listen this one last time.

please please please wake up.

it's the last chance already.

if you don't do it, there is no 2nd chance.

only regrets.

the monkey asked

a wise monkey from the new pasture popped this question at the old cow yesterday "when will you move on?"

to contextualise it, it was asked out of concern for the old cow's attachment and continued involvement with the monkey from the new pasture and the monkids of the LWAWACAGT .

the old cow replied, perhaps after the big hurdle ahead. after that, the old cow wouldn't be needed.

the wise monkey told the old cow "after the big hurdle, the teacher may not be needed. but the friend is still needed" he went on saying, how some of the monkeys, wants it to turn to friendship. or in his another analogy, one-sided to two sided.

but the old cow has been through it. one-sided, to two sided, and a sudden silent from the other side. no reason, or a reason that the other side refuse to tell the old cow. those were the days where the monkids will always ask the old cow, and just when he thought things were more secure, there was an abrupt silence. 

they never asked anymore, other than academic stuff. suddenly, things turn one-sided again.

wise monkey, you're indeed mature and wise beyond your age. here's what the old cow has to say.

as the dialogue in a movie, which T and M are names of 2 characters, goes:

M:......So i have one question. If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the one day we are separated?
And, if being separated is a part of life, and you know about separation well, is it possible T, that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them?

At the same time, I was also wondering. Is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all?

Thats my loneliness.
I have lived with it now for 5 years. I know how bad loneliness feels. I fear it will continue to get worse.

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perhaps this is what parents go through, don't you think wise monkey?

they love their children unconditionally,

they let their life revolve around their children,

the children wants the life of their parents to revolve around them,

and when their children grows up,

the children wants the parents out of their life,

or in some extreme cases, 

ask them to get their own lives.

as much there is a wound,

due to the abrupt silence,

the old cow has no regrets.

if  moving on with life means, 

devoting this time, energy and attention to something else,

that the old cow can do.

and most likely do when the big hurdle for his monkids are over.

if moving on with life means forgetting them,

that the old cow can't do.

they will always hold that special place in his heart,

for they are his inspiration,

and motivation,

for what he chose to do. 

perhaps the old cow will never know why it suddenly became one-sided,

why it suddenly become quiet.

why smiles are there in group photos without him,

but some of the smiles are lost in the photos with him.

but he's still thankful for the good times and joy. 

if he had learnt his so-called lesson,

he wouldn't have done what he's doing,

with the monkeys at the new pasture. 

perhaps after the big hurdle is over,

it will be clearer.

a new phrase

i've always wanted to ignore it.

i've always thought i had manage to do it.

after all, i don't have much to do with those tigers and hyenas in the old pastures.

my focus was my monkeys,

and the other angels. 

a knife came and stabbed my back.

yes, this continues to be one of the many things that warps common sense.

yes, this continues to be one thing that i should ignore.

after all, i don't seek appreciation from those creatures in the old pastures.

my focus was my monkeys,

and the other angels. 

but i can't help feel a little affected.

i can't call it just an old "pasture" anymore.

such a benign terms hides what really goes on there. 

it is now, to me,

the land where the wings of angels are clipped,

and attached to tigers.

or acronym  LWAWACAT (land where angel's wings are clipped, and attached to tigers)

how not to feel anything,

when the monkeys are in a land where tigers are flying?

the only comfort i can get,

is that the angels continue to protect them,

even if their wings are clipped.

just like before

if not because they are having a paper tomorrow,

i wouldn't have stopped them.

the way they talk, 

the way they tease each other,

the way they try to show off,

is so much like how it was before,

when they were sec 2.

those were the days.

now they have grown up. :)

my greatest gripe

abc ask me a question. i ask abc to read certain parts of the textbook. after reading it, abc goes, "oh ya hor"

pqr made a statement. i told xyz that the statement is conceptually wrong, and suggest xyz read a certain part of the textbook. xyz goes "not meh?" and refuse to check.

xyz ask me a question. i ask xyz to read certain parts of the textbook. after reading it, xyz still don't understand.

how will you respond to abc, pqr and xyz?

if abc and pqr does it once or twice, i don't really mind. but after 'n' number of questions which would not need to ask if abc or pqr have just read the textbook carefully or check the textbook before asking, i would usually tell them off. 

however, i wouldn't tell xyz off and choose to explain to xyz. 

why the difference?

for the case of abc and pqr, the textbook works for them. but if they were to ask me before checking, and i were to continue entertaining that request, i'm only making them become more reliant on me, when they have the capability to make sense on their own.

for the case of xyz, the textbook doesn't work for him/her. hence, he/she require a different set of explanation and teachers' assistance to make sense of the topic. therefore, i wouldn't tell xyz off.

even if abc and pqr have read the textbook cover to cover 10 00 times, i will still tell them off for not checking before asking. it may not take more than a minute to reply the question, but it creates a dependency and reliance that is bad for abc and pqr, when it is shown that they can understand it on their own if they double check.

i would create a dependancy for xyz, but if he can't depend on the textbook or the materials he has, then who does he have to turn to?

i'm not here to be mr popular. that is easy to do. be mr nice guy and answer everything, even if it doesn't benefit you.

quiz about myself

Seems to be in the trend now. so yeh. think it is pretty accurate.  In blue are what I think is very true.  Quiz at quizbox.com

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

my di

you've always called me "lao shi",

or "mr ___"

even though i've been calling you my "di"

for the past 2 years.

so when you call me your "kor" in your sms,

for the first time,

how not to be surprised?

i hope i manage to be there for you,

and be a male figure of authority for you.

most importantly, not an absent brother,

and do what you want to do with an elder brother.

you don't deserve growing up with an absent brother,

or an absent male figure that you can turn to.

i know how it feels,

i went through it too.

i see that part of me when i was your age in you.

and i don't want you to go through the same thing.

i hope i have been a good "kor" to you. 

just like how wonderful a "di" you have been to me.

green-eyed monster

it's probably something,
i'll never get to hear,
even at my death bed.

why am i green with envy,

it's better that way.

get lost green-eyed monster.

make this my last green entry.