innocent love

such a cute and sweet ad. reminds me of the innocence and sweetness i see in those "truer" relationships among my kids and dis that never fails to put a smile on my face.

They just don't write such beautiful lyrics anymore

pure poetry. such beautiful lyrics are facing extinction. originally sung by jiang hu.



恋之憩
词曲：梁文福

什么样的温柔 才能轻抚你的伤口
什么样的思念 才能迁走你的忧愁
什么样的拥抱 才是你寂寞的尽头
什么样的守候 才能被你接受

你的眼是芬芳的醇酒 凝着许多记忆的深忧
我是未曾醉过的温柔 浅浅一尝就不愿罢休
你的眉是幽幽的港口 蹙着许多静静的绸缪
我是一个情感的水手 短短一驻就不愿再走

别再说你能不能够 只是问你接不接受
啊无言的你可知否 并非回忆才天长地久

life's little lessons from "tuesdays with morrie"

those who read my blog before knows how much i heart "tuesdays with morrie", and how every time i re-read it, different things resonate and pop out, because of different events that has happened in life. then i'll wonder how come i didn't remember it the last time i read it.

i re-read some parts of it today. turns out i found some answers as well.

i didn't realise. it's tuesday as well.

on loved ones
"Your brother," he said.

I felt a shiver. I do not know how Morrie knew this was on my mind. I had been trying to call my brother in Spain for weeks, and had learned - from a friend of his - that he was flying back and forth to a hospital in Amsterdam.

"Mitch, I know it hurts when you can't be with someone you love. But you need to be at peace with his desires. Maybe he doesn't want you interrupting your life. Maybe he can't deal with that burden. I tell everyone I know to carry on with the life they know - don't ruin it because I am dying."

But he's my brother, I said.

"I know," Morrie said. "That's why it hurts.".............................

............Morrie I said. Why doesn't he want to see me?

My old professor sighed. "There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like."

"In business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you're too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own.

You've had these special times with your brother, and you no longer have what you had with him. You want them back. You never want them to stop. But that's part of being human. Stop, renew, stop, renew."

I looked at him. I saw all the death in the world. I felt helpless.

"You'll find a way back to your brother," Morrie said.

How do you know?

Morrie smiled. "You found me, didn't you?"

i hope i can find my way back to them.
on attachment and letting go
Detaching yourself?
"yes. Detaching myself. And this is important - not just for someone like me, who is dying, but for someone like you, who is perfectly healthy. Learn to detach."

He opened his eyes. He exhaled. "You know what the Buddhists say? Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent."
But wait, I said. Aren't you always talking about experiencing life? All the good emotions, all the bad ones?
"Yes."
Well, how can you do that if you're detached?
"Ah You're thinking, Mitch. But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the conrar, you let it peneetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."
I'm Lost..............
Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."

1 more week

i know i'll be home with them,
in 1 week's time.
but i just don't know,
if i'm doing the right thing.
so what if i'm home with them,
does it do them good?



Home
by Vanessa Carlton

Some people live in a house on a hill
And they wish they were someplace else
There's nobody there when the evening is still
Secrets with no one to tell

And some I have known
Have a ship where they sleep
With sounds of rocks on the coast
They sail over oceans five fathoms deep
They can't find what they want the most

And even now
When I'm alone
I've always known
With you
I am home

And some live in towns
Cardboard shack on concrete
All blustered, and bustling life
They search for the color
You can never quite see
‘Cause it's all white on white

And even now
When I'm alone
I've always known
With you
I am home

And even now
When I'm alone
I've always known
With you
I am home

For me it's a glimpse
And a smile on your face
A touch of your hands
An honest embrace

For where I lay, it's you I keep
This changing world
And fall asleep
With you all I know is
I'm coming home
Coming home

the leaf, the wind, and the moon

the leaf asked the moon "叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？what's the answer to that question?"

the wind asked the moon "叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？what's the answer to that question?"

the moon said, only the leaf knows the answer. if the leaf wants to follow the wind, the tree can't stop it. if the leaf wants to stay with the tree, the wind can't take it away.



then again, what does the moon knows? he's always been up there, alone. when he look down on the surface of the earth, all he see is darkness. he can't really see what is going on, unless those on the surface tell him. he wants to look out for some, but all he see is darkness - unless they show themselves.

all he can do is to wish that they are doing fine and happy.



Same Side Of The Moon
corrinne may

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

I picture you across the ocean
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留？

heard of 音乐日记 by yes933?

i first heard it when i was in sec 4. those days, when computer memories aren't big enough to have lots of songs, i would tune yes933. that was how i first encountered this programme by 林芝. i loved it, how she recite the stories so well, and weave in very suitable songs. it is as though as she's telling us her own life story. those days in jc, when we work till 7+pm, a group of us who love this programme will stay till 8pm to hear it from the radio in council room before we go home.


i read this story of "the tree, the leaf and the wind" online before, and heard it on the programme as well. i thought it is a very meaningful story, and was super glad that she recorded it in the cd. unfortunately, due to limitations of cds, i think, she didn't include the perspective of the wind.

do hear it. and read the full story of the tree, the leaf and the wind as well. do ask yourself, are you the wind, the leaf, or the tree?

PS: Grammar Nazis, don't be bothered by how bad the grammar of the story is lah hor.



Tree
People call me "Tree".

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.

I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn'thave to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years. She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her.There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & jokingwith me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes.Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read a SMS in my hp. It said, "Leaf's departure isbecause of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf

People call me Leaf.

During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.

I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered i fI should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leaf leftthe tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.

Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Wind

Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person look ing at my seniors & me playingsoccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.

It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.

Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell. During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...

Moral

In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself. There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go....

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world.

It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available. It's best to wait for the right one because life is too short to waste on just someone.

somewhere over the brickwall

i've just climbed over the last brickwall. frankly, it wasn't just persistence - i had the luck and fortune to have so many people helping me. thank you all, for giving me chance and helping me, even though it doesn't really affect you. thank you so much

something is wrong today. i miss my dis and kids a lot. the date is nearing. somehow i'm becoming more and more unsure if i'm doing the right thing by going back.

the things i do because i want an 'a' for my fieldwork report

1. bear with alternating passing rains and hot sun
   
2. slipped and fell at the breakwater, sustaining strained neck muscles and some minor cuts. thank goodness i didn't fall on my camera.
3. clear small areas of grass bare-handed so that i can take the soil sample
4. accidentally injuring earthworms while inserting instrument to get soil sample. so sorry!
5. venture into brackish muddy areas just to get the soil sample
6. have sandals and feet stuck because of 5.
7. walk barefooted in brackish muddy area because of 6..
8. fell on brackish muddy area and sea water because of 6.. ( i didn't know one feet can sink so suddenly at the brackish muddy area)
9. repeat 8.
10. getting weird stares from uniform personnels who are patrolling the area looking for mas selamat.

but i did enjoy doing fieldwork. hey, i'm a geographer after all. i love the field, despite how troublesome or dirty it gets.

one thing unexpected did happened. i realise i fasted unknowingly for 4 hours today while collecting my samples.  i didn't realise i was thirsty till i had my first sip of water, and i didn't realise i was hungry till i had my first bite. 

something encouraging that i can actually be ok without water under the hot sun for a few hours, especially when i want to try fasting for this year's ramadan. i'm still a free thinker, that is why i want to try this experience. 

ps: i didn't take that photo to show off! my feet is there to give a sense of scale of the sample i took at each location(see the 2 holes there?)

insensitive

this song was played repeatedly when i started this blog (hence the corruption of the word "insensitive" in the blog address)

fell in love with it again lately and it is played repeatedly once more. love both the original version and the one which she (jann arden) did with anne murray.

most importantly, the lyrics is one of the best i've ever seen.


Insensitive

How do you cool your lips, after a summer's kiss?
How do you rid the sweat, after the body bliss?
How do you turn your eyes, from the romantic glare?
How do you block the sound of a voice
You'd know anywhere?

Oh I really should've known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive, insensitive, insensitive

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush?
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?

Oh you probably won't remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell to fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have some advice to give
How to be insensitive

Oh I really should've known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

brickwalls

"brickwalls are not there to stop you. they are there for you to show how much you want it"- randy pausch

i've climbed over several brickwalls in my life. the past few days has been a roller-coaster. brickwalls after brickwalls for something that i've always wanted to go for even before i entered nus.

now the only brickwall left is my unit co. monday will be a nervous day.

will i be denied the opportunity to go for it? it is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that i don't want to miss. not especially when it will do my future students so much good to have such experiences.

monday. i hope for good news.

1st full post in thai

i don't really know who read my blog. sometimes, i think some of my dis read it, sometimes it seems like it is not them. hence, sometimes, this blog is like a place for me to say out things i wish to tell certain people, but unable to tell them personally. therefore, by putting it here, i get it out of my system, and probably one day they will get to read it.

this post is for one of my di. there are somethings that i wish him to know, but i don't know how to tell him directly. it is regarding somethings that i've promised to keep secret. so i can't be explicit here. hence, i shall be explicit in meaning, but in a language most people that i know don't know. i.e. thai.

di, i think you know which one of the 5 of you i'm refering to. this is for you. if you are reading this and would like me to translate for you, drop me a msg.

จอส่ัห์ว
ตอนที่พี่รู้ว่าเธอกับลิงลิงเป็นแฟนกัน พี่ดีใจมาก พี่ให้เธอกับลิงๆความสุข
วันนี้ พี่เห็นได้ถ่ายรูปของเธอ เห็นได้เธอกับลิงๆ ดีใจมาก เห็นได้เธอยิ้มมากๆ (พี่ไม่เคย เห็นเธอยิ้มมากกว่านี่)
เห็นได้เธอดีใจมากๆ พี่ก็ดีใจ ก็ดีใจว่าเมื่อก่อนมีให้เธอกับลิงๆความสุขเป็นถูกวิธี

จอส่ัห์วดูแลลิงๆ ลิงๆ ดูแลน้องชายคนนี่ของผม. อย่าลืมเมื่อก่อนแนะนำเธออะไร
ใหม่อีกครั้ง พี่อวยพรเธอกับแฟนมีความสุขเยอะๆ
:)

some clarification for the previous post

just re-read my previous post, and realised that some parts can be misinterpreted easily. here's some clarification:

1) i'm not intending to shut out all my dis and kids
i'm just pondering if i'm overly intrusive, and whether i should take the initiative to ask them about their problems or wait for them to tell me. i'm not going to shut out anyone who approach me. i'm just pondering if i should take the first step.

2) i'm not going to not care about my dis and kids
i still do care for them. it is precisely because i care for them, that i'm wondering, given their age, if i should let them struggle a little to learn some life lessons or intervene. and if i intervene, am i doing more harm than good?

3) i don't want to make things awkward for them
as much as you know your parents or siblings love you and wish you happiness with your relationship, you wouldn't want them to keep asking you how is it or cheer you on with regards to your relationships, right? relationships are after all a more private and intimate sphere between you and your other half.

as for outings, i do enjoy going out with them, but there are some space we want to keep just to ourselves and our friends, right? hence, i wonder if i'm making things awkward for them when i join them.

4) there are times when i wish they are clear about it
if i'm intrusive, irritating, naggy etc. i'll rather they tell me that. i'll rather they tell me to back-off when i'm intruding in.

5) i still love them
especially my dis. i'm grateful everyday to have these 5 younger brothers that i never had.

for those of you out there who says "see i told you not to get too emotionally close to your students", these things which i'm pondering over are just the few downsides. the downsides are like a grain of sand compared to the huge amount of joy they have given me.

thinking a lot

warning: the following post is about my kids and dis again, and rather "emo". if you're looking for a good laugh, today's post is not the one

remember the computing lecturer i mentioned earlier?

well, had a few discussions with him lately, which trigged me into reflecting and thinking about my future path in teaching, and my kids and my dis.

i've mulled over some of the things that my prof have questioned me about, with regards to scalability, sustainability and my own welfare.

but there is this nagging question that i asked myself which I can't answer: how and when do i have to exit the lives of my kids and dis? do i even exit at all?

some of my kids, we weren't that close in the first place. whether i entered or exited their lives, didn't make much of a difference to them.

but for the closer ones, and especially my dis, this question keep ringing in my mind: when do i exit their lives? when is it time to?

msn is such a wonderful tool in the past. my kids would be able to ask me things online, i would be able to provide advice etc. it is quite easy to see who's troubled, as they are pretty open about their emotions in their msn nicknames. the kids find it gratifying that someone actually bothers to talk to them and care for them, and i find it gratifying too. it is nice that i was invited to some of their little outings, which i did go and enjoyed.

but that was when they were 14 and 15 years old.

now that they are approaching 16, where they are a lot more matured, and seeking their own identity and have the mind of their own, i'm a lot more hesitant in initiating any msn conversations. true, it might be words of concern, asking them how they do. but if we all know - when we were teenagers, such good intentions are easily mistaken as not enough trust given or simply nagging. if they choose to think that way, i don't blame them. they are still 16.

i want to give them the breathing space. i don't know if i'm overstaying my welcome now. i'm afraid of being intrusive, obsessive, and naggy. one of my kid asked if i'm going that one of my di is having some birthday thingy the other day. i wasn't aware, and he said he'll find out and tell me so that i can go. i told him not to - as much as i would love to join them. if my di choose not to tell me about it, i have to respect his space.

i'm no longer sure what to do. there are times where i want to ask one of my kids or dis how are they doing, after knowing that they are going through some problems. many a times, i open the messenger window, only to close it, worrying that i'll end up being naggy or intrusive. i see that they are going through some problems in their blogs, and find that i'm thinking more often if i should tag.

----------------------------------------------
so many a times i criticise some countries for intervening another country's stuff. despite good intentions, many a times, it ends up as doing more harm than good.

now i've reach a fork road, wondering - am i doing more harm than good with my "interventions"? is it time for me to not log into that account any more, and step away once and for all?

recently, i've agreed to intervene and help one of my kaks. i was convince at that point in time that i'm doing the right thing. yet now, i'm not sure if my intervention is of any help in the long run. to re-enter once more, i'm not sure if i'm of help to my kak or my kids and my dis at all.

i'm no longer sure. perhaps i should have walked away a long time ago.

it is easy to know when to let go of a kite so that it can fly higher. if only it's that clear.

like that prof of mine said, humans, are the random variable.

it's a small world after all

sing with me!

it's a small world after all.
it's a small world after all.
it's a small world after all.
it's a small, small world.

i think the next thing that could happen is that some friends turns out to be some distant relatives or something.

xiaohui: nah! a post that is not about my kids or dis.

red eyes

red eyes of my di,
how you make my heart ache.
to know that you've worked real hard,
yet struggle to keep yourself awake,
to give your fullest attention,
to hear what I have to explain.

red eyes of my di,
how you warm my heart,
to know that you are pushing yourself real hard,
to know that you've become stronger and more resilient,
to know that you've become more matured,
and a better person.

red eyes of my di,
how you make me worried each day,
that you might burn yourself out one day.
but yet, i see you working harder and harder each day.
not complaining about the workload,
or how difficult it is.
but you just swallow it and work hard to finish it.

the blood in your eyes,
the listless look on your face,
yet the burning desire to achieve in your heart.

everyday, each and everyone of you,
the 5 of you,
never fail to wow me,
and make me more and more proud of you each day.

press on my dis.
but do take a good break this holidays!

some things

everything has its time. some things, are gone, simply because it is time to go. why harp over it.

learn to let go, yanjie. attachment is the root of all suffering.

i forgot this thing called murphy's law

yup. had to restart my count down. then again, i don't know count down to when.

i'm not sure if i'll ever get to come down to brief them. i think that it is crucial to brief them, so as to set the right expectations and tell them the reasons behind all these arrangement. but she's older lah. i think she knows what to do.

was a little upset initially that she remembered only the big picture, but not the nittier-grittier details. she even forgot about tomorrow. i tend to get upset when people forget things that i told them, cause to me, it seems like it is not important enough for you to try to remember it, or find ways to help you recall it. but then again, she's so busy. i should be more understanding. after all, this is suppose to help her, not add on to her frustration or workload. keep that in mind, egoistic me.

one of my di told me a few days back that he's ok with his sciences. though i kinda miss meeting him once a week, it's nice to know that his confidence is back.

had a discussion with that lecturer again today. seriously, i'm still puzzled that i'm discussing this with a computing lecturer rather than someone from the social sciences. but i really really appreciate his concern and his humbleness.

an arrow shot

i have no problems speaking up in class. but what happens when you attend a lecture, and just 5 mins into the start of the lecture, your lecturer suddenly said "ah, *insert your name* is here! good! "

it happened to me today. for a moment, i was wondering what hideous thing have i done for him to said that.

turns out my lecturer was stating his point of view as to why he postponed the recent deadlines. then he turned to me and said "now for our teacher to be, tell us, if you are in my shoe, what would you do?"

how ironic. the first time i openly discussed my views of teaching and education in nus is in a computing lecture.

but i'm thankful for this prof. he's one who always reflect about his role as an educator. we do have very meaningful discussions about being an educator and education.

on a unrelated note, 1 more day. i can't wait. hope nothing goes wrong and everything is just as planned.

another death

stumbled upon one of my kid's new classmate's (a transfer student) blog. the first line of his post made my heart sank. it said "i hate my father. period"

i would love to tell him to appreciate his father more. but he doesn't know me, why would he listen to me preach.

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they say that friends have a lot in common. but there are some things you wouldn't want your friends to have in common with you, especially sad things.

the last thing i want to have in common with my friends is losing our father, especially at our age. sadly, for the past 8 years, 3 of my friends have this similar experience, with varying impacts. one is the "in-between" sibling. another, is the youngest. another, is the eldest, and took up the role of both a brother, father and head of the household. 3 of us had the fortune among the misfortune, to be mentally prepared of the death. one of my friend, had to face changes that occurred literally over-night.

2 days ago, i received the news, that a secondary school friend of mine has joined this "club". her father had committed suicide due to depression. the news hit hard - we didn't know how to approach the topic when we attended the wake. but she was her usual self - strong and bubbly. but beneath it, the amount of pain, the question "why it happened", is something i myself can't understand i think.
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i used to think that way before. i hated my father, i wished he was dead etc. especially the times when he meted out punishments. till the very day i know i might lose him, i regretted thinking that way.

i hope that kid will learn and realise, before he starts to regret.